Dean Windass

"Now Deano's a Premiership star the door is open to endless lucrative marketing endorsements." Sorry, Simon Coker, we appear to have interrupted you in a private moment. Photograph: /x

"Scientists have made a shocking discovery in the Amazon rainforest of a horde of violent, uncontrollable savages who communicate only through grunting and spitting." Neil Pollock believes ecologists have stumbled across the dastardly secret behind Hull's youth development programme. Photograph: x

"Dean Windass is Hull through and through. He even parps Hull City AFC." Witty wordplay and a cracking caricature from Alan Neill who has refused to confirm reports that he is producing a Viz-style fanzine to chronicle Hull's inaugural Premier League foray. Working title, Hull in Hell. Photograph: /x

"Old fart... second wind... breezes past defenders... Windass by name, etc. Need any more?" We'll be ok, Steve Arthurs, but thanks for the thought. Photograph: /x

"For some reason a picture of Dean Windass reminded me of the chest burster scene from Alien... and Ridley Scott is from the north-east, so it seems like a fitting homage. If you can't tell, the fellow on the table is everyone's favourite Portuguese w(h)inger." Is anybody else slightly scared of Martin Nicholson? Photograph: /x

"Adidas asked Dean to model their new retro range for the mature pro - 'The ADIDAS OWLDASS WINDASS'" wibbles John Barry with the conviction of a man who truly believes that writing his punchline in capitals will make it funnier. Photograph: /x

"Rabbit in particular was apprehensive about Tigger's future exploits." Hassan El Hassan needs no encouragement to turn to Winnie the Pooh for inspiration. Photograph: x

"Wow, Hull really is a sh**hole". Dave Thomas has obviously been reading this. Photograph: x

"Deano was going to great lengths to prove he was no hero," says Tom Leonard. Photograph: x

"When the Gaffer said he'd buy him a sporty open top if he scored the winner at Wembley, this wasn't the flash motor that Deano had in mind!" John Barry is the kid at school who handed in two essays when you hadn't even done one. Photograph: x

"It's Grimm up North." That it is Phil Burns, who captures perfectly a tender exchange between our Dean and Fraizer Campbell. Photograph: x

"With that goal Dean Windass secures Hull FC's place as next year's Premier League fodder." An extremely disturbing image from Hassan El Hassan again, who either believes Dean is from Lilliput or knows some darn big cows. Photograph: /x