I finally finished the new series of Sherlock this week. It took longer than I anticipated. Maintaining focus on Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman proved difficult as time wore on, the plot became increasingly implausible and the show morphed into a Crystal Maze tribute. Professional critics were unimpressed. Sherlock was accused of turning in the worst James Bond impression since Jez slept with Mark’s future mother-in-law in Peep Show. There was inevitable and potentially fatal talk of jumping the shark.
It happens to the best of them. The Wire rather lost its way with series five and Scott Templeton. Ricky Gervais could not resist the temptation of bringing back David Brent for that self‑parodic film. Even a nuanced comedy like My Family never recovered from losing Kris Marshall to the BT adverts. The trick is knowing when to go out on a high, how to keep the audience wanting more. Recently, I introduced my girlfriend to Fawlty Towers, an act of cruelty and kindness, because the tragedy was knowing that each episode brought us closer to the end. She had to be let down gently after we finished the second series. It was all part of the genius.
Keeping a once successful routine fresh and relevant is not easy. It is not just the makers of Sherlock who are struggling. Spare a thought for the makers of Deadline Day. Ponder this philosophical teaser for a moment: if no one was listening when the transfer window slammed shut on Tuesday night, did it make a sound?
Let’s be honest. Deadline Day, or at least the version presented to us by Sky Sports News, has also donned a pair of water skis and spotted a shark fin in the distance. The winter window was a complete non‑event again. There were some sagas. Dimitri Payet eventually got his move back to Marseille, Diego Costa thought about learning Chinese and Claudio Ranieri locked Leonardo Ulloa in a cell deep below the King Power Stadium. But January will be remembered briefly as the month when Jake Livermore became a £10m player, supporters of Premier League clubs suddenly became Scott Hogan experts and David Moyes continued the unstoppable Evertonianisation of Sunderland. The hype, driven by the relentlessness of 24/7 rolling news and social media, was as high as ever. For transfer addicts, the Chinese window is still open; Tianjin Quanjian are rumoured to be preparing a £32m offer for West Bromwich Albion’s Salomon Rondon. They will get round to Wayne Rooney eventually.
Scratch the surface, however, and what do you have? A Burnley swoop for Robbie Brady here, a Ravel Morrison loan move from Lazio to Queens Park Rangers there. What stood out was the paucity of eye-catching business on Tuesday, the lack of manic dashes around the shopping aisles, the many clubs who were willing to sit back and do nothing. It is true that the summer window is where the true action takes place, from Carlos Tévez and Javier Mascherano finding themselves standing next to a strange man calling himself Pards at a strange place called Upton Park in 2006 to Manchester United pipping Manchester City to Dimitar Berbatov in 2008, but there was an extra chill to the winter freeze this time.
For years, Deadline Day has felt like the raison d’etre for Sky Sports News and it has provided unforgettable moments in the past: Peter Odemwingie’s futile wait in the Loftus Road car park, Arsenal bolstering their squad depth with the injured Swedish veteran Kim Kallstrom, Liverpool spending £35m on Andy Carroll, a lairy fan shoving a dildo into a reporter’s face during a live broadcast, Harry Redknapp talking out of his … car window. T’riffic entertainment. This time, however, Middlesbrough won a tug-of-war with Hull City over Adlène Guedioura. Crystal Palace signed Snapchat’s Mamadou Sakho on loan. The mood was restrained. No one in the Premier League gave a contract to Emmanuel Adebayor, who ended up at Istanbul Basaksehir.
It hardly helped that this was taking place at the same time as seven Premier League games, scheduling that emphasised the increasing pointlessness of Deadline Day. Instead of tales of fax machine woes, contractual demands and failed medicals, we savoured David Luiz’s stunning free-kick, Arsenal’s implosion against Watford and Swansea’s continuing bid for survival.
For a long time the star has been Jim White, shouting things like WE ARE HEARING … SKY SOURCES ARE HEARING … THIS IS … A BIG ONE … THAT SHEFKI KUQI IS JOINING … FULHAM ON LOAN … OVER TO YOU … DHARMESH in the Sky studio.
But the fame went to White’s head. The transfers weren’t the show. He was the show. His yellow tie was the show. They filmed him turning up for work, like it was the prime minister arriving at Downing Street, only the really interesting transfers stopped happening and the air time had to be filled with talking experts like Christian Purslow, the inane, self-satisfied jabber a sure sign of a declining product.
Three years ago, a bookie was invited into the studio for a chat and argued that we were witnessing one of the best days in the sporting calendar. Agree to disagree.
The point is not that transfers are insignificant. They can make or break a season and they can be fascinating. Yet the time has come for us to deal with the process with more calm. The old system of allowing clubs to sign players until 31 March is unlikely to return. The madness of Deadline Day has gone too far, though. Some transfers went through on Tuesday and some stalled. In the evening, actual sport took precedence. The brilliance of David Luiz was the story. No one paid much attention to Sky Sports News. The world kept spinning. The window closed. Wednesday was a new day. We survived.
