ORLANDO, Fla. _ I was going to start with the breaking news that UFOs have landed and aliens are threatening to vaporize all forms of life on the planet.
But that can wait for something really important.
Tiger.
Tiger, TIger, TIGer, TIGEr, TIGER!
As a media member, the First Amendment now requires me to write or speak the phrase "Tiger Woods" at least 73 times a day, even if I'm doing a story on the Iditarod Dog Sled Race.
I know that bothers some people, namely those who'd occasionally like to see a golf report without the T word. Since Woods began his latest comeback, the typical tournament story goes something like this:
PEBBLE BEACH, Calif. _ Tiger Woods made a hole-in-one at the Goofy Golf in Palm Beach Thursday during an afternoon outing with his daughter. He did not turn in a scorecard, but observers said Woods would have broken par if a putt on the 14th hole hadn't nicked the rotating arm of the windmill.
Meanwhile at the AT&T Pebble Beach Pro-Am, Bill Haas shot a 57 in the opening round and developed a cure for cancer during a one-hour fog delay.
Woods hit all 18 greens in regulation on the par-36 course despite using the same putter as his 10-year-old daughter. They later shared a cup of ice cream from the concession stand.
Sources say it was vanilla, though a spokesman for Woods did not return requests for comment.
It's annoying, but here's the rub for all who are sick of Tiger sucking up all the oxygen despite not having won a tournament in five years:
He should get all that attention. Well, 87.9 percent of it.
Media coverage isn't predicated on the best player. It's based on the best story, and no story out there comes close to fascinating the public like that of Eldrick Woods.
When he gained a temporary lead Friday at the Valspar Championship, fans crashed the PGA Tour's app.
"We apologize for the disruption and are working to eliminate such issues in the future," a PGA Tour statement read.
Good luck with that, especially if Woods ends up winning the Valspar near Tampa.
I am already interviewing fire hydrants in Isleworth about his return to the Arnold Palmer Invitational this week.
If such coverage makes you crazy, all I can say is cheer for the aliens. Until then, it's still Tiger's world.
