Welcome to Cheap Seats presented by YouTube TV.
I wish.
Unlike the World Series, this column is not actually presented by YouTube TV. If it were, a red play-button logo would appear in the middle of a sentence and distract you from the riveting action.
That's what happened during the World Series, which this year officially became the World Series presented by YouTube TV.
I'm not here to rant against advertising. Heck, I'd gladly sell Cheap Seats to YouTube for half what it paid for the World Series.
But if you watched much of Houston's epic 7-game triumph, you have to be worried about where advertising is headed.
Short answer: EVERYWHERE!
Instead of the actual ads on the walls at the ballpark, technology now allows TV to superimpose ads the network sells. The banner behind home plate in Game 1 became a YouTube TV ad, complete with the ubiquitous red button that appears on YouTube videos.
It was sized so perfectly you'd have thought you needed to click the button to start the action. Millions of viewers found it annoying, so the advertising industry naturally thought it was brilliant.
Things really got exasperating in Game 2 when Astros outfielder George Springer moved under a fly ball. The Masterpass ad that was supposedly on the outfield wall superimposed itself over Springer's head.
It was the first time in World Series history that a decapitated player caught a fly ball. No wonder Springer was eventually named MVP.
The World Series presented by YouTube TV also featured the baseball debut of 6-second ads, crammed in during short breaks in the action. Fox started the 6-second annoyances this season with the NFL.
Where are we headed with all this?
You already can't open a computer screen without having five pop-up ads slap you in the eyes. I was reading Act II of "Macbeth" the other night at Shakespeare-online.com when a banner ad for Viagra suddenly blocked the screen.
Sure, I probably shouldn't have Googled "male enhancement" eight months ago, but did it really need to come back and haunt me right when Macbeth was about to stab the king?
The NBA debuted ads on uniforms this year. It won't be long until a superimposed Big Mac appears on LeBron James' headband and a three-second ad pops up as Rory McIlroy sizes up a putt to win the U.S. Open presented by YouTube TV, MTV, KFC or P.F. Chang's.
There is only one escape from the coming dystopian ad nightmare _ newspapers.
Thanks to cutting-edge 19th-century technology, your reading pleasure will never be interrupted by pop-up ads or mini-commercials crammed between paragraphs.
And I vow that when Apple CEO Tim Cook calls and offers millions to sponsor Cheap Seats, I will not sell out. Unless he throws in an iPhone X, of course.
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