David Squires on … football (and cultural references) in 2018 – quiz!

1. 

   January: Which film or TV show is being referenced?

   1. Eraserhead

   2. Twin Peaks

   3. Blue Velvet

   4. Mulholland Drive

2. 

   February: Name the baddie with the horns (clue: it's not the FA's Greg Clarke) …

   1. Lao Che

   2. Satipo

   3. Chattar Lal

   4. Mola Ram

3. 

   March: Who is the inspiration for Mourinho?

   1. Mark Goldbridge

   2. Jeremy Kyle

   3. Paul Joseph Watson

   4. Morrissey

4. 

   April: This homage to Renaissance art was based on a photograph from which ground?

   1. Stamford Bridge

   2. The Den

   3. The Emirates

   4. Wembley

5. 

   May: Which TV programme is being referenced to riff on poor Loris Karius's pain?

   1. Time Trumpet

   2. The Day Today

   3. Drop The Dead Donkey

   4. The Thick of It

6. 

   June: It's the World Cup in Russia but can you name the suddenly in-form hosts' headless No22?

   1. Artem Dzyuba

   2. Denis Cheryshev

   3. Aleksandr Golovin

   4. Sergei Ignashevich

7. 

   July: Name the Croatia player?

   1. Sime Vrsaljko

   2. Ivan Perisic

   3. Ante Rebić

   4. Domagoj Vida

8. 

   August: Who was unveiled by a magician on the pitch?

   1. Wayne Rooney

   2. Santi Cazorla

   3. Paulinho

   4. Kévin Gameiro

9. 

   September: Klopp is playing the baddie in which film?

   1. There Will Be Blood

   2. No Country For Old Men

   3. Burn After Reading

   4. Hell or High Water

10. 

    October: Name the creepy character from Manhunter that Mourinho is dressed up as?

    1. Tooth Fairy

    2. Pale Man

    3. Nylon

    4. The Special One

11. 

    November: Which TV programme is the Scudamore-bothering traffic warden from?

    1. Tales of the Unexpected

    2. Nightmare

    3. The League of Gentlemen

    4. Threads

12. 

    December: What's the inspiration for Gunnersaurus that has Eric Dier looking so worried?

    1. Gangs of New York

    2. Peaky Blinders

    3. The Krays

    4. Sexy Beast

Solutions

1:B, 2:D, 3:C, 4:A, 5:B, 6:A, 7:D, 8:B, 9:B, 10:A, 11:D, 12:B

Scores

1. 12 and above.

   Pelé? Maradona? Messi? They've got nothing on you

2. 11 and above.

   Almost perfect. Put your feet up and drink in your own success

3. 10 and above.

   Brilliant. You're a top, top player

4. 9 and above.

   There's a future for you in this game. Well done

5. 8 and above.

   Not bad. Brush up on your cultural references and you could go far

6. 7 and above.

   You're some way off being a top, top, player yet

7. 6 and above.

   Bang average

8. 5 and above.

   You're more middle of the road than the Lighthouse Family

9. 4 and above.

   You've not watched many films have you?

10. 3 and above.

    Yeah. Let's not speak of this

11. 2 and above.

    You've been relegated with the lowest points total in history

12. 0 and above.

    Just go home

13. 1 and above.

    Dear me. Even a pet Iguana pressing buttons randomly could do better