THE GREAT AND THE NOT SO GOOD
The Fiver has been around for quite a while now. Our quick back-of-a-fag-packet calculations – 52 weeks times five days times say … eh, let’s say 20 years, minus, erm, 300 days to account for bank holidays, illness, roaring hangovers, fake family bereavements to get The Man off our back and the like – has us at 4,900 editions and counting. So we know a thing or two about longevity. Admittedly there may be a flaw in our methodology – we can’t remember a single thing about the period between 2002 and 2007, for example, or 2008 to 2019 – but you get the general gist. We’ve been around. We’ve seen some stuff. Happy 4,901st edition to us!
So we can fully appreciate the stellar achievement of David Moyes, who is becoming the latest member of the League Managers’ Association’s 1,000 Club. It’s certainly an elite and prestigious roster of top talent, and when the former Preston, Everton, Manchester United, Real Sociedad and Sunderland manager takes charge of West Ham against Genk in Big Vase, he’ll become the 18th of the 35 names on the list to have never won a single major trophy in their entire puff. Well done, David! Well done, everyone!
But only a bitter cynic would argue that the 1,000 Club – whose membership includes Steve Bruce (10 clubs), Dave Bassett (nine), Lennie Lawrence (12), Brian Horton (nine), ‘Arry Redknapp (seven), Sam Allardyce (10) and Neil Warnock (15), and whose rules stipulate no matches before the professionalisation of the WSL three years ago can count – betrays any Jobs For The Boys mentality. It still takes admirable guts, drive and determination to have the brass neck to keep ploughing a barren furrow for years on end, something The Fiver also keeps telling itself. “I am going to keep throwing some punches,” promises Moyes, who to be fair could feasibly win that elusive pot with the Hammers this season, and in doing so, haul that 1,000 Club failure rate back under 50%.
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Join Barry Glendenning and Scott from 5.45pm GMT for hot Big Vase clockwatch coverage.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“If you’re asking me if I sleep well, yes, I sleep well. I still play well at golf. My wife is still talking to me so, if that answers your question, then yeah, I feel fine” – pressure, what pressure, for Aston Villa boss Dean Smith after four straight defeats.
FIVER LETTERS
“I find myself much bemused that, after a 20-year exodus, I seem to have re-subscribed to The Fiver. When I last read your nonsensical, untimely emails (often hitting my inbox at 6pm on a Friday), I was but a 30-year-old living in Upton Park. Now I’m in Newcastle, NSW, certainly none the wiser as I appear to have returned to the fold. Are any of your readers still around from 20 years ago? And do I now possess the Fiver World Record for longest absence?” – Neil Richardson.
“Re: Neil Warnock (yesterday’s Fiver). Just wanted to send my congratulations to Colin, despite being a stalwart of those on the other half of the city (lifelong Owl here), and those past the viaduct in Rov’rum. He also used to be my nan’s chiropodist, and anyone who went near those feet deserves at least some success” – Joe Carr.
“Re: Raymond Dyer’s analysis of the consistency of Brentford, currently sitting 12th with 12 points, 12 goals for and 12 against and his optimism that ‘long may it continue’ (yesterday’s Fiver letters). Well, I for one hope it dozen’t” – Mike Wrall.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Neil Richardson [brazen shamelessness left the station a long time ago and we need to keep our reader – Fiver Ed].
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
After repeatedly falling ill while away with the Elephants, Wilfried Zaha has asked to be left out of Ivory Coast’s latest squad and is considering his international future.
2019 throwbacks Ajax are through to the last 16 of Big Cup after doing the double over Dortmund with a 3-1 win. “If you want to go far as a team, you have to be critical,” tooted coach Erik ten Hag. “We were far too impatient and lost too much ball.”
Joining them there will be Liverpool, following their comfortable 2-0 gubbing of a plot-losing Atlético Madrid.
Manchester City were made to work hard by Club Brugge, but also handed out a beating, a 4-1 win taking them above PSG – held by Leipzig – and to the top of their Big Cup group. “I promise you, when you are Manchester City you realise nobody helps you,” parped Pep Guardiola. Apart from a sovereign state wealth fund, that is.
Fulham are closing in on Bournemouth at the top of the Championship after a 7-0 clattering of Blackeye Rovers, their heaviest ever home defeat. “Generally, that is not the team you see when you support [us],” sighed Tony Mowbray.
Arsenal partners Vivianne Miedema and Lisa Evans have joined the Common Goal movement, committing 1% of their salaries to supporting community organisations working with young people in situations of violence and conflict around the world. “The time for action is now,” said Miedema.
And Gareth Southgate has announced his latest England squad, and though Marcus Rashford and Trent Alexander-Arnold are back, Jadon van de Sancho has been left out. Full squad: Johnstone (West Brom), Pickford (Everton), Ramsdale (Arsenal), Morris-Dancing Fiver (Fiver Towers); Alexander-Arnold (Liverpool), Chilwell (Chelsea), Coady (Wolves), James (Chelsea), Maguire (Manchester United), Mings (Aston Villa), Shaw (Manchester United), Stones (Manchester City), Walker (Manchester City); Bellingham (Borussia Dortmund), Henderson (Liverpool), Mount (Chelsea), Phillips (Leeds), Rice (West Ham), Ward-Prowse (Southampton); Abraham (Roma), Foden (Manchester City), Grealish (Manchester City), Kane (Tottenham), Rashford (Manchester United), Saka (Arsenal), Sterling (Manchester City).
STILL WANT MORE?
Trent Alexander-Arnold is good at football. Here’s Barney Ronay with more.
No passing, no training … seven discs: join Max Rushden in a nostalgia bath, as he reflects on the joy of 90s gaming.
David Moyes celebrates his 1,000 Club arrival in the grand style by getting his chat on with Jacob Steinberg.
“We want to keep pushing, we want to keep breaking down barriers and keep that momentum going. We can’t sit still and that’s the message we want to send” – Arsenal’s Katie McCabe gets down to brass tacks with Suzy Wrack.
In August 1984, Everton lost their first game of the season 4-1 to Spurs, a result every bit as shameful then as now. But they ended up as champions – Steven Pye explains how.
There’s never a bad time to enjoy Emmanuel Adebayor’s revenge-goal against Arsenal, one of many pleasures awaiting you in this week’s Classic YouTube.
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