What David Cameron said: "I can say something today that perhaps no Prime Minister has ever really been able to say before. I’m starting the second half of my time in this job."
What he meant: No one apart from Blair, of course, but he had Gordon to contend with. I’ll stamp George’s fingers off the cliff-edge if he tries any of that nonsense on me.
What David Cameron said: "We cannot let that man inflict his security-threatening, terrorist-sympathising, Britain-hating ideology on this country we love."
What he meant: But enough about Ralph Miliband. Let me turn now to foreign affairs.
What David Cameron said: "This party kept a promise – to spend 0.7 per cent of our national income on aid. Other countries also made that promise. But they didn’t keep it."
What he meant: I love this bit. I make them clap foreign aid and then I make the ones who refuse to clap feel unpatriotic.
What David Cameron said: "So let’s stand and thank [the armed forces] for everything they do to keep us safe."
What he meant: Then I can make them stand. Feel the power.
What David Cameron said: "We all know what’s wrong with the EU. But we also know what’s right about it.
What he meant: Even on Europe I’m going to say things that Blair couldn’t disagree with.
What David Cameron said: "Today, I can announce a dramatic shift in housing policy."
What he meant: I am going to dress up a minor tweak in secondary regulations as another grand initiative.
What David Cameron said: "We are going to tackle those big social problems. Central to that is an all-out assault on poverty.
What he meant: Never mind the cuts to tax credits, Tough on the causes of poverty, but not so tough on actual poverty today.
What David Cameron said: "If you want an NHS that’s there for everybody …and you understand none of that is possible without a strong economy … If you want these things, the party you need is the party right here."
What he meant: Or you can vote for the party that gave you Jeremy Corbyn.
What David Cameron said: "Bernard Harris from Leicester wrote to me before polling day and said this. 'In my life I have foolishly voted Labour, believing it served the working class. How wrong I was.'"
What he meant: Jeremy Corbyn isn’t the only one who can read out emails. Welcome to the new politics.
