David Beckham: a hero warrior whose ability to be accepted and make a difference has always been under threat from his surname's poignant incapacity to bear the classic, footballer-nickname suffix -y (see Wisey, Scholesey, all-the-frickin'-resty).
Inspirational news for humanity, then, as it is reported that David's wife Victoria has come up with a totally awesome nickname for the man she once christened Goldenballs. Yes, with just a little help in its gestation from the couple's new friend Snoop Dogg, Victoria's brain has given birth to.... D-Beck.
I know. It'll hurt less if you bite down on something.
The fact that nickname-obsessed erstwhile England manager Steve McClaren will never be able to shout "D-Beck" ingratiatingly across a training field is obviously a heartbreaker. But for now, let's just be amused that the Beckhams are continuing to fawn needily over Hollywood celebrities they met 15 minutes ago, and glad that someone has finally displaced K-Fed as the greater LA area's most cretinously nicknamed playa.
