Well we are desperate for a break #shattered, Dave is right, 10 weeks is never enough to chillax, by the time you wind down you are already stressing about the next holiday literally by the fourth one we were all in a state of collapse plus they made Dave fly home because of being the workers’ party? I said to Mummy, Dave makes being normal look effortless but I swear he had to eat 15 entire Pringles tubes before a working person even bothered to take a picture #typical & now this chippy little Selsdon man has written literally an entire book negging Dave for being cowardly, I’m like, excuse me, there goes someone who never ate 375 paprika-flavoured savoury snacks in 90 minutes *voms*. Dave was like forget it babes, look where he went to school, just basic Tonbridge douchebaggery, what really hurts is the Mail on Sunday running it, srsly, et tu Geordie, well bang goes his fucking peerage.
So Mummy is like, darling, forgive me asking, are you sure Geordie even *wants* one? I’m like, excuse me? She’s like, well after the bra woman – actually you might ask if she would swap something frothy for a faux shagreen tissue box – people are amazed he can even give them away? I’m like, which is EXACTLY why Dave is introducing an exclusive designer range, Mummy’s like darling, how THRILLING, will there be actual hereditaries, I’m like, yes & proper earldoms & limited edition baronetcies, she’s like, oh how blissful, what will you choose, I’m like well not a word, it is a surprise for Corbyn, lol, btw you did vote? She’s like oh like 10 men darling, being Labour is divine, now about my bra.
So I am just emailing Lady Michelle (!) when Dave bursts in, I’m like OMG what is wrong he’s like sit down babes I have something to tell you. I’m like *Ashley Madison face* I knew it – Rebekah? He’s like, like, trust me, she just wants country supper, I’m like, NO, he’s like & a friendly hack, I’m like NO, he’s like, maybe a couple of vids, I’m like what part of NO do you not understand, he’s like, then she’ll totally back me on Europe, Boris & not being posh? I’m like *sighs* whatevs :(((
As seen by Catherine Bennett
