Well everyone’s like, is it bliss, I’m like, tbh we have not been this chillaxed since Cornwall, literally Dave has barely had time to touch his colouring books, just looking at Corbyn is like this fabulous destressor, basically his only problem is staying awake? Plus he does not even have to think now that PMQs is like this new-style crowdsourcy thing as in Mr Corbyn will go, Comrade Edna from Catford says she is hungry, how unfair is that, and so Dave has to go *totes non-bully voice* what I would say to Edna is, we need to do more as a country to fill people’s tummies but it is actually jolly expensive. So then Mr Corbyn goes, & Comrade Phil writes to say he’s sleeping rough Dave has to go *totes non-Bullingdon voice* we do need to do more as a country to improve alfresco comfiness but I make this one point, we will not have enough benches without a strong economy?
So everyone is like, love it, super-authentic, we hate nasty old PMQs. I said to Dave, oh please, if everyone is impressed by that, people are always emailing me things that would literally break your heart? Eg Willie in Knightsbridge has this very heartfelt question, does the PM think it’s fair for the HS2 to ruin his friend’s view?
Dave’s like OMG, I’m looking at PMQ gold, I’m like, & I have this question from Reggie, a pensioner from Scunthorpe who says government policy on renewables means he will lose his wind farm subsidies. With five children, Reggie asks a simple question: where’s my money? And John from London asks, how is imposing a living wage meant to help hard working business leaders like me?
Dave’s like, brilliant, but don’t forget women, suffering women, I’m like, well Sarah asks why oh why people on twitter are so mean, Kate says all the Christmas Ocado slots have already gone & how is that fair, Tracey wants to know who did our kitchen & Rebekah – well, Rebekah wants to know how a person who has been found innocent on all charges can still be treated like a pariah by a certain other person who used to be texting her 24/7? Dave’s like, OK, maybe not.
As seen by Catherine Bennett
