Well the girls are so upset and I do not blame them? I was like Dave, Florence had practically named all her hounds, honestly if you are going to let the Sturgeon literally walk all over you – Dave’s like, excuse me babes, can I just remind you how deeply offensive that is to the huge majority of Sturgeons who are a tremendously honest & loyal fish – I’m like, soz, let the so-called Sturgeon walk all over you, maybe do not write articles in the Times banging on about hunting bans being totes outdated & wrong? He’s like, trust me, anyone who stands in the way of one-nation hunting opportunities has me to reckon with *puts on Evel face*, Nancy’s like, chill Dad, all political careers end in failure lol, Dave’s like, but I made a solemn vow to your step-grandfather that a restoration of the sporting regulations of 1830 would be central to our new settlement & as a father, Nancy & Florence, I want you *feminist voice* to experience complete hunting equality when you grow up?
I’m like *lies desperately* well I am sure Willie has other things on his mind eg the Mugabe-style landgrab, oh here is Mummy ringing now :((( Dave’s like, FGS say I am busy doing peerages, actually do they happen to know anyone who hasn’t got one, we still need another 90, Nancy has already nominated the Clarksonator. Mummy’s like – that nice Mr Freud? – but darling do tell poor Dave he must not worry about being utterly humiliated by the Sturg- sorry, so-called Sturgeon, Willie says if he brings back bear-baiting by Christmas we will say no more about it, btw did he find time to look at our latest HS2 proposal, if it went via Cardiff it would not even touch the Chilterns!
So Dave’s like, babes, totes no offence to Willie, the Old Berkshire Hunt & the combined Scottish, Oxfordshire & East Anglian land-owning communities but sometimes I envy Oik? As in at least his family only wants him to keep the shops open 24/7? I’m like, be fair babes, some of our ideas = ledge, wait till the BBC finds out they have to choose between running the department of work & pensions or losing Bake Off #lolsforever.
