Nancy was playing Call of Duty: Ghosts when the Sunday papers arrived so she missed the argument when Dave read out the part about him being "6ft 1in and fit", I was like, seriously, jealous much, could Geordie not bring himself to put "hot" #typicalmediasnark? Dave's like, relax babes, everyone knows Geordie is super-critical, I can live with "patrician politeness, efficient friendliness and steely charm", plus I suppose "inspirational" is OK, actually Danny run and put Geordie on the honours list, it is on the fridge, no make it a peerage, he has done the bit Lynton wanted about us watching telly, tray normal, plus the history books, lol, brilliant, and about the kids' King's Speech routine, tick, awesomeness, hey Danny get me Lynton on the phone, Lynton, you know your "Daddy that's the bad word line", well Geordie has only quoted it literally fucking verbatim, kudos mate.
So Dave is just going right, is it fizz o'clock when Nancy practically kicks the door down, I'm like careful darling, that door was put in by Isaac Newton when he was prime minister, she's like, do I look like I care, stick to lolcats mother or do you not think battling a technologically superior global power is stressing me out enough? Dave tries to leave quietly, she's like stop there dude, it's on BuzzFeed, now what the fucking fuck did you tell Geordie, or were you taking dictation from the Australian douche?
Then she grabs the paper & starts going eeeuw or gross or WTF every 10 seconds & Dave's going please darling if you stop swearing I will give you 50 quid, she's like, try again loser, oh man he says you're "fit", vom – OMFG – do you have ANY idea what this shit will do to me at school, like I do not know what twerking is?
Dave's like, well I say about Elwen not knowing too, how about £100, Nancy's like, oh please, even Govey twerks these days we have seen you in the library, this is going to cost you bro, now if you will excuse me some of us have aliens to kill? Dave's like, Nancy, one important thing before you go, she's like WHAT, he's like, how do you unlock extinction mode?
