A woman from Washington, D.C., called into “The Ramsey Show” to ask if she and her husband were being selfish for refusing to pay for his sister's family of seven to join an overseas vacation.
They had previously helped cover the cost of family trips in the past, but this time, the expectation has ballooned into a multi-thousand-dollar expense—and they simply can't afford it.
From Kindness To Entitlement
“There has kind of been an expectation to pay,” Emily told personal finance experts Dave Ramsey and Jade Warshaw. The overseas trip would cost thousands if she and her husband covered the sister-in-law, her husband, and their five children.
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“It would already be kind of at the top of our budget to begin with,” Emily said. But after saying they couldn't cover it this time, other family members started calling them selfish.
“The more you tell me about this, the more I'm realizing how ridiculous this expectation is,” Warshaw said. “Just because someone is kind and decides to give one time doesn’t mean that they’re obligated to give every time.”
Ramsey added, “Gratitude turned into entitlement.”
Emily explained that her sister-in-law chose to stay home and homeschool, while her husband earns a modest income in a small town. Ramsey pointed out that these are lifestyle choices. “You chose not to be able to afford to go on this international vacation with your five children,” he said.
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He also noted that he “never even saw the ocean” till he was a teenager. “I grew up in Tennessee. So I mean, come on,” he said. “You don’t get to do stuff that people with money get to do. It’s how that works.”
Setting Boundaries Comes With Pushback
Ramsey acknowledged that cutting off financial support will likely upset the sister-in-law and other siblings. “When you set a boundary with a boundaryless person, roughly 100% of the time it pisses them off,” he said. “You can’t play in my checkbook anymore. There’s no room for both of us.”
He advised Emily to be firm but not defensive: “Just say, ‘This is our decision. We love y'all, and gosh, I hope it doesn’t permanently cut us off, but if it does, then that's what you'll have to do.'”
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Ramsey also shared a personal story about going bankrupt and having to tell his wife's large family they couldn't afford to buy Christmas gifts for everyone. Instead, they suggested drawing names. “To their credit, they all said, ‘That's a really good idea.'”
He contrasted that with Emily's experience: “It wasn't someone that felt entitled. That family respected the pain we were in.”
To wrap up the call, Ramsey told Emily not to lose sleep over it. “The gate was open, and now the gate’s closed. And since you’re bitching about it, I’m going to leave the gate closed forever.”
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