A recent episode of “The Ramsey Show” featured a caller from Boston named Jennifer who revealed a massive breach of trust in her marriage—her husband secretly racked up $100,000 in debt while managing all of their household finances.
“I found out in the fall about $100,000 of debt that I didn’t know about,” Jennifer told hosts Dave Ramsey and Ken Coleman. “It was credit cards that I didn’t know about and also tax debt.”
Debt Paid Off, But Bigger Issues Remain
Despite the shock, the couple worked aggressively to eliminate the debt and are now halfway through Ramsey’s “Baby Step 3,” saving for an emergency fund. But Jennifer said the real problem wasn't just the money; it was her husband’s ongoing behavior.
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After discovering the hidden debt, Jennifer insisted they combine their finances, begin using a budgeting app, and attend counseling. Her husband went along with it, but not willingly.
“He says sharing accounts and the budget are the worst decision he’s ever made,” she said. “Even having a budget is embarrassing to him.”
Jennifer added that her husband still goes on solo trips, spends impulsively, and refuses to track expenses. “The latest argument from this weekend was because I just realized that after months, he still hasn’t switched his direct deposit over,” she said.
Ramsey pointed out that this wasn't a financial issue anymore. “This is not a financial problem, hun. It’s a marriage problem. It’s manifesting itself in the finances,” he said. “I don’t really want to be married is what he’s actually saying. I’m afraid. I hope not.”
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Coleman added that the husband's behavior shows someone who came from an entitled background, which Jennifer confirmed.
Ramsey and Coleman both suggested the husband has likely never faced consequences for his actions and is avoiding accountability. “Behavior is a language,” Ramsey said, referencing a phrase from another co-host John Delony. “What he’s doing is screaming, ‘I don’t really want to build a life together. I want to be able to do whatever I want to do when I want to do it.'”
Jennifer said she's stayed in the marriage because she still wants to try. “If this marriage could be fixed, would you do whatever it takes?” Coleman asked. Jennifer responded, “Absolutely. I wouldn’t have stayed. He’s been lying since the beginning of our marriage.”
Coleman was straightforward. He told Jennifer she needed to draw a real boundary, telling him, “If you don’t change, this is done.” He added that she should get help from a marriage counselor or pastor to figure out the next steps.
“I think it’s that serious,” Coleman said.
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