Well I said to Mummy, it is SOOO lucky nothing much has been happening in, basically, the world, I do not care what they say about Croatia being the new Ibiza, Cascais is literally the mostest fun you can have outside blissful Benniras, as in not to overshare but Dave says he has not felt so relaxed since Jura & that was way more relaxing than Lanzarote, plus the sardine facials here are to die for & Dave has given the sweet deckchair man a peerage so we never have to stress about Germans?
So Mummy was like, oh marv darling, thank heavens Dave has not been worrying, I'm like, well, he is desperately sad to miss Wilderness this year, obvs, we all are, but every time he wakes up agonising about the intimate feasting experience at Moro's Souk Tent I'm like, babes, I KNOW, serious FOMO, but remember what Mr Cobber said about putrid old hippies plus remember we still have lovely Cornwall, you could make your signature crab quiche, & he is STRAIGHT back to sleep?
So Mummy is, like, oh what a relief so they do not sell newspapers in Portugal, I'm like, excuse me Dave is all over BuzzFeed, we are totes aware of Mo Farah's infected tooth, Mr Obama texted his deepest concern from the golf course & I swear Dave never stops thinking about abroad, even on the actual pontoon he'll be like, srsly babes, no more procrastination, we MUST stop hipsters going on Bake Off, or, please God we are not too late, how many peerages do you think for a pair of decent Cumberbatch tickets, three? I'm like, well for the front stalls maybe five is more realistic, bear in mind peerages go so much further in Portugal?
Mummy's like, actually I was thinking more of Boris? I'm like excuse me, she's like, you know, declaring war & everyone going simply mad for him, did I not always warn you about the ghastly Goveys, I'm like OMG FOBs klaxon – babes, babes, wake up, it has started, Dave's like, chill babes, we have not even been to the fish market today, I'm like, leave the crayfish to me, you need to be on the next flight home, how many peerages do we have left?
