Well people always ask about the queen & usually I am like, uber-vintage obvs but SO dear, once you get past the shyness it is total nan-love, I never stop saying honestly Lilibet no need to call me Mrs Cameron, but tbh after she lost it over Balmoral I am not so sure? I mean it was partly Dave’s fault for saying leg-wax when it was actually a full-on pampering experience with a balinese facial and ayurvedic cleansing ritual, but I said to Mummy, whatever, who does she think she is, any normal queen would be thrilled to have Dave all to herself. But the queen was like well now that sheep shearing is over I am sure someone can help with Mrs Cameron’s depilation, will it be a full or a half-leg, so Dave was like oh how incredibly kind let me check.
I was like WTAF, no way am I going to Balmoral for a leg-wax, Dave was like, well I have to give a reason, I’m like, fashion week, say I have to WORK, he’s like, what & insult her entire family, I’m like, so make up something about the children, he’s like, actually she has invited them? I’m like fine, say I have this passion for Scottish independence, lol, Dave’s like, haven’t we all, I’m like seriously, that way I never have to see another caber, btw give her these Bronnley lemons, she will LOVE.
So Dave gets taken to the room with the hilair ornaments, the lemons are on the fire, she’s in total bitchy resting face mode, he like bows, she’s like, so what are you doing about my kingdom? He’s like forgive me gracious majesty I fear I must stay above this, she was like, no that is MY role, he’s like, excuse me highness, first dibs, your realm, YOUR problem, plus you did not go to Eton, she’s like, so you prefer history to know you as the halfwit who lost Scotland? Dave’s like, ouch, she’s like, you had better hurry Mr Cameron the last London train departs in 30 minutes, he’s like, majesty, permit me, am I right in thinking the Scotch love babies? And literally seconds later she was on the phone to Kate :)))
