Like many friendships, Jesse Singer and Dan Elkayam’s had its own rituals.
“Whenever it was a sunny day, we’d message each other throughout the day to see if we could finish work as early as possible and get down to the beach to play football.”
As Singer told the crowd at Elkayam’s Monday memorial about one of his closest friends, his voice was still shaking from the tears shed while taking to the podium.
“The last day I spent with Dan was last Sunday, and it perfectly captured everything he loved.
“We played football on the beach for hours with a group of friends, and then went to celebrate Hanukkah at Bondi – two things Dan truly lived for: his love of football and his love of Judaism.
“Dan taught me that you need to live for every moment, to travel, to meet new people, to spend time with friends, to follow your passion and to do all of it to the fullest.”
There is a terrible poignancy that the life Elkayam lived to the full was snuffed out after only 27 years, one of 15 victims of the targeted killing of Jews celebrating Hanukah at Bondi beach.
In the day after the attack, the French president, Emmanuel Macron, said his thoughts were with Elkayam’s family and loved ones and expressed to them “the fullest solidarity of the nation”.
A statement released by Elkayam’s family said: “Dan was shot in the back while trying to run away. He was murdered because he was Jewish.”
The family also said Elkayam left behind his partner in Australia, where he was beginning to “build his future [in] … a country he loved”.
“Dan never let me down,” Krystal Troyano wrote, in her own tribute shared on social media. “He nurtured my love for the ocean, and the ocean became our place. I used to call him Aquaman. But above all, I used to call him the love of my life.”
The memorial, at Sydney’s Jewish funeral home, the Chevra Kadisha in Woollahra, acknowledged that Elkayam’s family in France and Israel – including his mother, father, three brothers, nieces, nephews and cousins – were watching the service via livestream. Elkayam’s coffin, draped in a black covering with a star of David, will be buried in Ashdod in Israel.
Elkayam, who moved to Sydney from Paris, was one of many young Jewish people from overseas celebrating in Bondi that evening with Chabad, an organisation known for providing a “home away from home” for Jews wherever they are in the world.
Rabbi Chaim Koncepolski told the memorial a story that a young man had shared with a gathering of young people after Sunday night’s commemoration that marked a week since the attack.
Koncepolski relayed the boy’s toast to Elkayam, remembering they once played football against each other in 2022 at the Maccabiah Games, which unites Jewish athletes in an international competition held in Israel. Elkayam played for the French team; the young man played for the Australian team. The latter, frustrated he could not defend Elkayam, had tackled him to the ground.
“Anybody who’s either played soccer or been around soccer, knows that that’s usually the beginning of a fight,” Koncepolski said. “And he said Dan got up, gave him a hand, lifted him up and gave him a hug.”
Koncepolski, who said he had only met Elkayam once, said anyone who knew him “could instantly feel that incredibly humble and loving energy”.
“Dan, you touched us all with your warmth [and] your kindness … I only had to meet you once to see what a beautiful person you were.”
Koncepolski said the community would not let Elkayam’s murder “go by and just hurt us” but that it would be a catalyst for mitzvahs, Jewish commandments of good deeds.
“I have never in my life seen Australian Jewry so united, so inspired, so connected to Jewish tradition and so impactful on the general Australian society.”
His words join many reflections, such as Rabbi Yehoram Ulman at Sunday’s commemoration, that “each one of the 15 precious souls has left us with lessons we can emulate”.
Elkayam “was killed while celebrating his Judaism on a beautiful day”, Ulman said. “Let us not postpone what matters. Live with meaning now, not some day in the future.”
Beside Elkayam’s friends who came to grieve on Monday were young Jewish people who had not known him personally, such as Joshua Spicer who came because “I just heard a lot of amazing stories of Dan and his generous, kind nature”.
“He came to Australia looking for a better life and it’s just a tragedy that we weren’t able to keep him safe while he was here,” Spicer said.
“I’m the same age as Dan, and I was going to that event. I was running a bit late, and was going to be there really not long after that. And it makes me think that [for] someone my age to have their life cut short is just absolutely devastating.”
Rabbi Mendel Kastel said the New South Wales Faith Affairs Council’s one mitzvah for Bondi campaign would help memorialise Elkayam, along with the other kedoshim (the Hebrew word for martyr). The campaign asks all Australians to undertake – and share – one act of kindness, compassion or charity.
He commended the minister for multiculturalism, Steve Kamper, for his team’s work “understanding the pain of the community”. “What we really need is to be able to stand together with the government and to do something positive.”
Elkayam worked as an IT engineer at NBC Universal, where Kastel said more than 150 people had joined together to honour him. In his memory, Kastel said, the company planned to get behind the campaign.
“The way to stamp out darkness is by bringing light, one mitzvah at a time. So I encourage everybody to get involved in the mitzvah campaign and know for Dan’s dear family, that his memory will continue to stay alive, and his memory is going to change the world for the better.”
• In Australia, support is available at Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636, Lifeline on 13 11 14, and Griefline on 1300 845 745. In the UK, the charity Mind is available on 0300 123 3393. Other international helplines can be found at befrienders.org
