Name: Damien Hirst.
Age: 51.
Appearance: Phil Collins tribute act.
Occupation: Artist, entrepreneur, rich person.
How rich? In the neighbourhood of £250m.
What does an artist do with that kind of money? He builds his own town.
Where? In Ilfracombe, Devon.
Isn’t Ilfracombe already a town? Yes, but Hirst was deeply involved in the application process for an eco-friendly, 750-home development known as the Southern Extension.
That’s a terrible name for a town. Which is probably why the scheme was known as Hirst-on-Sea until recently.
Until recently? Hirst, who lives nearby, has now withdrawn from the project. His company, Resign, says it could not find a developer to build houses “in keeping with our vision”.
I hate to be critical, but Resign isn’t a very good name for a company, either. No, but it’s rather fitting in the circumstances.
What was his vision? Tanks on every lawn, with sharks in? When the development was announced, Hirst’s architect spoke of “pitched roofs, bay windows, smart gable ends, short terraces and robust materials used in a decorative manner”. No sharks would have been harmed.
Well, it’s Ilfracombe’s loss, I guess. Look what Tracey Emin did for Margate. Hirst is still very much involved in Ilfracombe’s infrastructure. He owns a local restaurant, a hotel and a lot of nearby land. And then there’s Verity.
Who is Verity? Verity is Hirst’s 67ft sculpture of a pregnant, partially dissected woman that is on loan to Ilfracombe for 20 years, and has stood on the pier at the harbour entrance since 2012.
And how is everybody in Ilfracombe with that? It would be fair to say that the reception has been mixed. Some thought the statue a great landmark, while others felt it was unsuited to a Victorian seaside town. One critic called it “brutal and unnatural and even rather upsetting”.
I missed that review. Where did it appear? On TripAdvisor. Do keep up.
What next for benighted Ilfracombe? The Southern Extension is going ahead, with another property group taking the lead. Hirst will have to find somewhere else to put his town.
Do say: “Cheer up, Ilfracombe! Your 750 homes are coming!”
Don’t say: “Cheer up, Ilfracombe! Verity’s coming down in 2032!”
