Dame Kelly Holmes lived through '34 years of fear'…

Dame Kelly Holmes lived through '34 years of fear' before coming out as gay

Olympic champion Dame Kelly Holmes has opened up about how hiding her sexuality impacted her mental health at the height of her career.

The 52-year-old athlete came out as gay in June , admitting in a heart-rending interview with the Sunday Mirror: “There have been lots of dark times where I wish I could scream that I am gay - but I couldn’t.” She also spoke of her dread of being “outed” when she was younger.

During an appearance on ITV’s The Jonathan Ross Show on Thursday, the sporting legend spoke more about her journey and enduring “34 years of fear” before coming out. She added that telling the world she was gay had changed her life after “living with that fear for all of those years”, the Liverpool Echo reports .

Opening up about her mental health struggles, Dame Kelly said: “I had a really bad, bad mental health problem when I was 33. I had a breakdown.

“I had a lot of issues that I was suppressing and then also with injuries,” she explained. “Back then, no one talked about mental health - I didn’t know, really, what that meant. Having a breakdown, becoming a self-harmer and then losing the plot made me realise that I’ve got nothing more to lose really.”

The retired middle-distance athlete added: “It’s the whole bringing people on side and talking to people and letting them know you need help was a game changer for me. I’ve had a lot of issues, as you know - not being open as a gay woman, which I only announced this year in June after 34 years of fear.

“I was living with a lot of personal stuff, which a lot of people do go through, at the height of my career - a public figure, celebrated for being the first woman in the UK ever to win two gold medals at the same games, and then also the fear of what that meant being in the public eye and living with that fear for all of those years but even more so being the double Olympic champion Dame Kelly Holmes,” she said. “The fear was so real, that to only be able to do that this year in June, I have to say it changed my life.”

Grateful to break the news on her own terms, Dame Kelly said back in June that she felt like she was going to “explode with excitement” after sharing her sexuality. She added: “Sometimes I cry with relief. The moment this comes out, I’m essentially getting rid of that fear.”

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