In news we didn't expect to be reporting today, a Dalkeith Thistle football player has gone viral on Twitter after missing training due to a very unusual injury: an extremely sore and swollen penis.
The unfortunate MIdlothian resident told the truth about his reason for missing Sunday training - but may live to regret that after the exchange was shared online, racking up around 1,700 likes and being retweeted more than 300 times.
Another tweet, which included a photo of the engorged penis - which has since been revealed not to belong to the player in question - has been retweeted around 1,000 times and liked more than 3,600 times.
His not-entirely-supportive club shared a screenshot of the conversation on their Twitter account, with the caption "now I've seen some cracking excuses for no making training but this has to be up there with one of the best", reports the Sun.
He said he was "putting a brave face" on his injury, but was worried he would have to go to hospital to have it checked out. He revealed he "f***ked his d**k big time" after he took three viagra pills before a romp with a lucky lady. Which seems to have been at least two too many.
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It's not clear whether the player followed current lockdown and social distancing guidelines when arranging his Saturday night romp.
Dalkeith Thistle play at Kings Park Stadium and finished sixth in the Conference B last season, which was cut short due to the coronavirus pandemic.
