Do you hanker after global internet domination, à la Mail Online? Come on now, be honest - don't we all? Well now anyone can have a go, thanks to Rob Manuel, the man behind techie humour website B3ta, who has knocked up this handy guide: "How to edit the Daily Mail website". Key website front page elements include "HUGE Royal Box as semi-permament fixture" (sic) featuring "Pippa Middleton. Nice arse eh? (get the pics from the agency and get a junior to fill in the copy, doesn't matter much what they write, it's about the pics, pics, pics!)" and other boxes for "Taxpapers' Alliance press releases" and "Photos of Christine Bleakley or Kelly Brook. Suggest that although she's pretty she's leaving it late for babies. OMG women having kids over 26? Tsk!". But don't forget Mail Online's secret weapon, the crack-cocaine of its formidable arsenal: the "FEMAIL TODAY" righthand column, for which the formula is "Soft Porn, soft porn, creepy long lens pics of celebrity's children frolicking on a beach, soft porn". Now, sit back and watch the traffic stats go bananas. Simples!
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