A heartbroken dad has paid tribute to his son 12 months after his tragic death at the hands of his mother.
John Spellman says not a day goes by he doesn't think of his five-year-old son Jenson Spellman who was drowned by Emma Sillett.
The 41-year-old drove her son to a remote spot at the Valehouse Reservoir in the Derbyshire Peak District before filling his pockets with rocks and tying their hands together and jumping into the reservoir.
She left a note in her car, in which she wrote that she had tied her son to her because she couldn't bear the thought of him "drifting away".
Just hours earlier, she had taken Jenson for a Happy Meal at McDonald's as a treat.
Writing on Facebook John said: "It was Tuesday (November) 20th when I chatted with him before school then kissed and waved him goodbye, thinking I'd see him later at home for him to never return.
"Many times I run through events in my head and wonder if there was anything I could of done differently.
"Not a day goes by that I don't feel the loss and the pain of him not being with me, I don't think there ever will be a day when I don't to be honest until the day I join him myself.
"It may only be a year that seems to of past quick to many people, but to me it already seems a lifetime ago that I saw his happy smiley face, had a laugh together and played Lego etc with him. Every day he brought a smile to my face and a purpose to my life.
"It's so tragic that his mother felt no reason to go on in life herself and made the decision to take him with her.
"She knew that his father loved him to bits and would make sure his life was as happy as it could of been.
"Mental health is so in the spotlight nowadays but many people suffer virtually in silence without the outside world even seeing it.
"Since this happened I suffer in many ways and will happily admit to having received professional help.
"I suppose the best advice I can give for those who are suffering from mental health problems like depression, suicidal thoughts etc is to TALK about it to people, as this can really help rather than keeping it all bottled up within themselves.
"I'd like to thank family and friends who have supported me throughout the year and continue to do so, you all know who you are and I'm forever grateful.
"Life isn't easy since Jenson died at all, in many ways you live one day to the next trying to find a purpose, the main reason though you keep going is I know Jenson would of wanted me to carry on and live a happy life for us both.
"Ps. I used to love it when people asked him his name and he'd always respond with 'Jenson Spellman'".
Ms Sillett, who was living in Glossop, had struggled with depression for years and had suffered the last of three miscarriages just one year before her death, Chesterfield Coroners' Court heard.
Concluding that Ms Sillett committed suicide and unlawfully killed her son, Derbyshire assistant coroner Emma Serano said the mother's note made it clear she had tried to carry out her plan the day before.
"But Jenson became frightened so this was abandoned," she said.
"The next day after leaving home they were seen at 1.40pm leaving McDonalds, she sent a last message to John Spellman at 3.20pm, a last photo was taken at 3.49pm.
"We don’t know exactly what time events unfolded but, at some time, Emma took him out of the car, tied him to herself, then put rocks in the rucksack she was wearing and also put rocks in the pockets of his jacket and they entered the reservoir together."
The coroner said that, given the detail of the notes and the events of the previous day, she was satisfied Ms Sillett had intended to kill herself and her son.
Samaritans (116 123) operates a 24-hour service available every day of the year. If you prefer to write down how you’re feeling, or if you’re worried about being overheard on the phone, you can email Samaritans at jo@samaritans.org .
