On Friday, 76 golfers will join together to remember a young Kinross man who died tragically 11 years ago.
It is the 10th time friends and family of Ross Handyside have teed up in his memory.
Ross was just 23-years-old when he took his own life leaving his family heartbroken.
Since then his dad Jim (63) has wanted to keep his memory alive while helping to draw attention to mental health.
Over the past decade he has helped raise £24,000 for good causes, firstly the Mary Leishman Foundation and now the Lighthouse For Perth, which will be the beneficiary at the latest Ross Handyside Memorial Golf Day at Drumoig near St Andrews.
Speaking to the Perthshire Advertiser, Jim said he hoped the day had an impact beyond the actual fundraising.
“The purpose is to raise money for good causes but for me, it is to talk about mental health,” he says. “I believe if I can speak to a bunch of people, they might go and talk to more people.”
Sky technician Ross was just a few weeks short of his 24th birthday when, on April 11, 2010, he died from suicide.
A former pupil at Kinross High and member at Kinross Rugby Club, James said the family had no idea how troubled their son was.
He had been out with his mum Cath Aitken buying T-shirts only that day.
“The last thing he said to me was to show me his arm and ask if his guns looked big,” Jim recalls. “He went out and he was full of beans.
“There were times Ross went into dark places, although not many times.
“Externally he was bubbly and fun. He loved a wind up and all his friends said he was the life and soul of the party but that masks what must have been inside.
“He was a great guy and lived life to the full. Just a lovely, lovely guy.
“He was the kind of person who, if anything went wrong, took it to heart.
“I always ask myself why and that will never go away.”
Even as early as Ross’s funeral, Jim was determined to spread the message about mental health.
“His funeral was packed inside and out, there was 250 people there,” he recalls.
“I managed to get up and say a few words. I spoke about listening.
“But listening is not just about hearing noise, it’s actually looking and seeing as well. It’s having the desire to look beyond what’s happening face to face.
“My final words at the funeral were to please listen.
“You might say to someone ‘you ok?’ and they say they are fine. But are they? Is there more to it than that?
“Some of my friends said they were straight on the phone to their sons to ask how they were doing after the funeral.”
Jim, who credits pals Andy Caldwell, Colin Henderson and Graeme Lungley for helping him set up and continue with the golf day, had previously used the event to raise money for the Mary Leishman Foundation.
However, after a conversation with a friend, he changed the chosen charity to the Lighthouse For Perth last year, raising £3000 in the process despite only 44 golfers being able to attend due to COVID.
The Lighthouse is a non-profit organisation providing a safe space to anyone aged 12 and over who is at risk of self-harm or suicide.
“A lot of these kids are doing it to send a message,” he explains. “Nine times out of 10 it’s not meant to go the distance but that’s sadly what happens.
“It’s important these kids know there is a place like the Lighthouse.
“There are lots of mental health charities but the Lighthouse is something different.”
As for the golf day itself, it always proves to be a fantastic event. Raffles and auctions will help raise cash while Drumoig give the entire course up for the day.
“It’s ironic because Ross didn’t even like golf,” Jim said. “But all my friends and all his friends do.
“With the circle of friends I have got and with Ross’s friends, I hope it will go for quite some time and hopefully someone will take it up after me.
“What I have said to the guys every time we have done this event is that, at the time [when someone dies from suicide] people go quiet and do not talk about it, but my friends have all become closer and helped me through it.
“That’s so important because, being honest, you feel at the time ‘what’s the point?’ and it can snowball.”
A Just Giving page has been set up which will go live on Friday after the golf day for anyone wanting to donate.
You can find it at https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/Ross-Handyside-Memorial-Golf-21?utm_term=jaMQgNjD8
• The Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk to anyone, whatever they are going through. Call free on 116 123.
• The Lighthouse for Perth can be contacted on 0800 121 4820 from 10am to 4pm, Mondays to Thursdays and from 8pm to 2am on Fridays and Saturdays, or by emailing help@lighthouseforperth.org
