Our man Ed Aarons was at Selhurst Park tonight. Wrapped up warm, hopefully. His verdict has landed, so you know what to do: clickity click! Thanks for reading this MBM. Nighty night.
Roy Hodgson has his say. “All defeats hurt. We didn’t play well enough. I didn’t think we were going to lose it. I didn’t think we were going to win it either, but to lose it is a bitter blow. There’s not much to say other than to congratulate Newcastle. We didn’t create enough chances or play well enough. I thought we played better against Burnley, in fact, but I think tonight’s defeat is a bit harsh. We’ll have to deal with it and make certain to get back on the track and play the sort of football we know we are capable of playing against West Brom.”
A very content Steve Bruce delivers his verdict. “The two centre forwards have scored goals, which always helps. The little passes they put together, they both set each other up, so I was pleased for them. It was a difficult week for us but our players have responded in the right way. It doesn’t matter about price tags, to adapt to play in the Premier League, sometimes you need time. At times, last year Joelinton found it a struggle, but the kid wants to do well and we are starting to see a bit of him with his overall contribution and his strength. Our goalkeeper has been really good for us. Keeping a clean sheet away from home is always not a bad thing.”
Updated
Callum Wilson speaks to Amazon Prime. “It was a little bit of a frustrating game, but you’ve got to be patient and ready to take your chance. We played well, limited them to a few chances. We didn’t create a lot ourselves but got the goal when it mattered. I feel when a chance arises, I’m confident to put it away. It was a bit scruffy today but they all count, and there was a goal for Joel as well which is nice.”
Newcastle move into the top half of the table as a result of that. They’re tenth, on 14 points, one ahead of Palace, who slip to 13th. A fine smash-and-grab goal by Callum Wilson, followed by a weight-off strike for Joelinton, and Newcastle have a victory they just about deserved on the balance of play, though Palace will point to a couple of late near misses just before Wilson pounced. A lot of that was hard going, though. Creativity is a struggle for these sides at the moment.
FULL TIME: Crystal Palace 0-2 Newcastle United
A terrible match for the most part, but Newcastle came good at the end of it, Joelinton finally paying back a chunk of change from the transfer fee that’s been weighing him down. He walks off with a huge smile on his face, and he’ll deserve all the plaudits he’ll get for a fine performance.
90 min +3: Joelinton, having scored his third career goal for Newcastle tonight, is replaced by Schar.
90 min +2: Schlupp is booked for a lunge on Joelinton.
90 min +1: Joelinton deserved that stroke of luck. He’s played well from the get-go tonight, and his contribution to Wilson’s goal was superb.
Updated
GOAL! Crystal Palace 0-2 Newcastle United (Joelinton 90)
Joelinton dribbles down the inside-right channel. He drops a shoulder to send Dann the wrong way, then shoots towards the bottom left. The ball takes a nick off Cahill, and pings into the bottom right past a wrong-footed Guaita. Two goals in 100 seconds!
Updated
GOAL! Crystal Palace 0-1 Newcastle United (Wilson 88)
This is a fantastic goal. From the throw, Wilson and Joelinton combine cutely down the right. Joelinton slips a pass down the channel for his team-mate, a balletic hook, and Wilson is clear! He enters the box and slips the ball under Guaita. Newcastle have snatched it!
Updated
87 min: Newcastle take their sweet time over a throw. Looks like they’ve settled for a point. Eh, hold on, scrub that ...
85 min: Palace are suddenly knocking at the door. Van Aanholt takes a stride into the Newcastle box on the left and fires a low cross-cum-shot towards the bottom right. Batshuayi slides in, and is an inch or so away from studding home. But he can’t connect. Another big escape for Newcastle.
84 min: A Palace ball down the middle. Batshuayi chests down for Kouyate, who twists to the left of goal and hammers low towards the near post. Fernandez comes across to block bravely, his last-ditch intervention saving a certain goal. Nothing comes of the corner.
83 min: A melee on the edge of the Palace box. Joelinton momentarily looks well placed to power a shot away, but he can’t sort his feet out and he’s closed down.
82 min: Palace throw on Batshuayi, replacing McArthur.
81 min: Yes, this is opening up at last. A Newcastle corner on the right. Ritchie takes, the ball somehow squeaking through a crowded penalty box and into the arms of Guaita, without taking a deflection off anyone.
80 min: Van Aanholt swings one into the Toon box from the left. Benteke heads down powerfully towards the bottom left, Darlow blocking well. Great football all round.
79 min: Ritchie takes instead. He powers the free kick through a gap in the wall, but it’s straight at Guaita, who can parry then gather. A shame that Longstaff wasn’t rewarded for his positivity.
78 min: So having said that, Longstaff embarks on a marvellous run down the middle of the park. Maradonaesque? Well, that’d be stretching the point, but it was a fine, powerful sashay, and he draws a foul on the edge of the D from Dann, who is booked. A moment of quality amid the dross. Shelvey’s eyes light up again!
76 min: “Sounds more like a Terry Fenwick type of game than a Maradona one,” begins Simon McMahon, who is not wrong. “Regarding 1986, I seem to remember that, had Scotland not been so clueless for 89 minutes against the ten men of Uruguay in their final group match, Argentina would have faced us in the round of 16 instead of their South American neighbours. Resulting of course in them being knocked out of the competition and thus denying the entire world not only the Hand of God but also the greatest goal ever scored. Selfless, us Scots. Selfless. You’re welcome, world!”
75 min: McArthur dances down the left and earns Palace’s sixth corner of the game. The joy of six? Nope.
73 min: Benteke bustles down the left but can only send a poor cross-cum-shot through the Newcastle box.
72 min: Ritchie whips a cross in from the left. It’s more than decent, and Joelinton is in space in the middle, the ball dropping his way. But the misfiring striker times his leap poorly, and barely connects with an eyebrow. Andy Carroll has been waiting for months and months for a cross like that.
Updated
71 min: Time marches on.
69 min: A sense that things may be opening up at long last. This time it’s Palace’s turn to send a header wide, Benteke doing so from Van Aanholt’s high left-wing cross.
68 min: Newcastle make their first change, sending on Ritchie in place of the ever-disappointing Almiron.
67 min: Newcastle go close! Manquillo crosses from the right. Wilson loops a header towards the top left. For a second, it looks like dropping in, with Guaita never reaching it. However the ball sails a few inches wide. As close as anyone’s come, which is not saying much, but here we are.
66 min: This has been awful. Something has to change. So Hodgson sends on Benteke and Riedewald at the expense of Ayew and Townsend.
65 min: Palace have had 56 percent possession in this second half. Not that Mr Roy will care. It’s all about what happens in the final third, and what happens in the final third is this: Kouyate shanks a harmless shot wide right.
63 min: Van Aanholt attempts a cross from the left touchline. It balloons off Manquillo and out for a corner. Townsend takes. After a quick game of pinball, Eze tries a Le Tissieresque volley, but slices spectacularly towards the right-hand corner flag. Goal kick.
61 min: See 56 min, replacing Shelvey with Van Aanholt.
59 min: Eze whistles down the inside-right channel and is clipped from behind by Longstaff, who got both ball and man. The Newcastle man goes into the book. Free kick, just to the right of the D.
57 min: Almiron drives towards the Palace box. Space opens up in front of him. He really should have a dig from the edge of the area, but unselfishly rolls towards Joelinton to his right. The pass is awful, Joelinton can’t adjust his feet, and Palace are able to swarm and clear. Guaita should have been put to work there.
56 min: Shelvey wallops witlessly into the wall. Artistically and philosophically consistent with the rest of this match, if nothing else.
55 min: Joelinton is clumsily brought down by McArthur as he bustles down the inside left. A free kick in a dangerous position, just outside the Palace box. Shelvey’s eyes light up.
54 min: Schlupp spins down the right and slides a diagonal pass infield for Ayew, who enters the box and toe-pokes past Darlow ... but wide of the left-hand post.
52 min: Suddenly a little excitement as Ayew dinks a pass down the left for Schlupp, who dribbles hard and eventually earns a corner. Townsend swings it in. Kouyate goes up and heads over. He might have been better off leaving that for Cahill, just behind him.
Updated
50 min: The half-time team talks must have been as uninspiring as the football.
48 min: Otherwise, it’s been a nondescript start to the second half.
Updated
46 min: A little bit of space for Schlupp down the left. He whips to the near post but it’s an easy gather for Darlow.
Palace get the ball rolling again. Neither side has made a change. Perhaps the electronic board has given the fourth official an 6085 error code.
Half-time entertainment. Compare and contrast: an MBM of the 1986 World Cup quarter-final between Diego Maradona and Terry Fenwick. Enjoy, enjoy.
HALF TIME: Crystal Palace 0-0 Newcastle United
Palace and Newcastle aren’t the only ones experiencing technical difficulties tonight: apparently many viewers haven’t been able to log into the television coverage of this match. Amazon Prime have arguably done them a favour.
45 min: This has been an extremely low-quality half of football. Thankfully there will be only one minute added to it, after which both teams have 15 to work out ways to improve.
44 min: Van Aanholt curls from the left; Schlupp guides a header into the top-left of the stand. In the dugout, Christian Benteke looks on, and must wonder what happened to his career.
43 min: Shelvey nearly finds Wilson on the edge of the Palace box with a simple pass down the middle. Dann intercepts, then inexplicably rolls the ball straight to Joelinton, who fires towards the bottom right. The shot is neither accurate nor fierce enough, and it’s an easy gather for Guaita.
Updated
41 min: Newcastle snaffle the loose ball, though, and Lewis opens his body, attempting a curler towards the top right. Guaita claims, but that was a decent effort from the young left-back.
40 min: Shelvey sends Almiron into space down the left. Danger here! But Almiron’s cross is fairly aimless and easily cleared by Kouyate.
38 min: Townsend crosses from the right. Clark blooters clear. Nothing is happening.
36 min: Hendrick battles down the right and earns the first Newcastle corner of the game. Shelvey hits it low and can’t beat the first man. What a waste.
34 min: Palace hump a long ball up the middle. Ayew gets his eyebrows to it but Darlow comes to the edge of his box to claim. A retro 1980s feel to this game at the minute.
32 min: Almiron, Lewis and Shelvey try to get something going down the left, but despite being under little pressure, succeed only in making passing the ball look extremely difficult indeed. Newcastle have lost a lot of their early momentum.
30 min: From the corner, Eze tries to work some space to shoot in a crowded box, but ends up running the ball out of play.
29 min: Wilson plays a poor backwards pass that allows Schlupp to steam down the inside-left with intent to shoot. He enters the box, under a little pressure from Fernandez, and skelps a fine shot towards the bottom left from a tight angle. Darlow does extremely well to turn it round for a corner.
27 min: Good news for Newcastle: Joelinton is good to continue. He’s played well during these opening exchanges.
26 min: A break in play as Joelinton, who had come off second best in a tussle down the inside left with Cahill, sits down unhappily. On comes the trainer.
25 min: Palace stroke the ball around slowly, but suddenly Eze decides to move up a gear, shifting it into a little space down the inside-left and sending a fierce no-backlift riser towards the top right from 20 yards. Darlow does extremely well to palm away. That was an excellent effort from Palace’s new star.
23 min: Joelinton, Clark and Almiron combine crisply down the inside-left channel, but the move falls apart the second they reach the Palace box.
21 min: Eze strolls across the pitch, left to right, before slipping a clever diagonal ball down the inside right for Clyne, who wins a corner. Townsend’s delivery goes straight down the throat of Darlow. That’ll whack Palace’s final-third possession stats up to six or seven percent, I’ll be bound. Roy will be delighted.
20 min: Turns out Fernandez was indeed booked for that challenge on Schlupp. That’s a bit harsh, but there it is. Meanwhile Joelinton tries to send a power-curler into the top right from 25 yards. It’s a decent enough strike but never beating Guaita, who gathers without fuss.
18 min: Wilson is sent scampering down the right and fires low across the face of goal. The ball’s a yard or so too far ahead of Joelinton, who would have had a simple slam home from close range. Lewis clips the ball back into the box from the left, but Joelinton can’t get a proper head on it and the ball harmlessly runs away from danger. So close to the opener.
17 min: Schlupp is shoulder-charged out of play and nearly into the dugouts by Fernandez. The referee considers showing a card but thinks better of it.
Updated
15 min: Memo for Mr Hodgson: Palace have enjoyed 44 percent of possession so far. How much of it in the final third is yet to be calculated. Let’s hazard a guess at four percent.
14 min: Schlupp, Van Aanholt and Ayew are beginning to cause Newcastle one or two problems down the Palace left. Another high-speed move nearly opens the visitors up, but not quite. After a slow start, Palace have finally come out to play.
12 min: A lovely spin and high-power dribble down the left by Ayew. He passes Longstaff and Manquillo before having the ball clipped off his toe by Cahill, who purchases a cheap foul in doing so.
10 min: Palace finally send a couple of men over the halfway line. Van Aanholt crosses from the left and wins the hosts their first corner of the game. Townsend’s delivery is headed clear easily enough by Shelvey, but that’s better from the home side.
9 min: Joelinton brushes Kouyate aside with ease and strides purposefully down the middle of the park ... before blootering a wild shot miles over the bar. Steve Bruce holds his head in his hands, but his team have made much the better start.
8 min: Newcastle knock the ball around this way and that, without doing too much with it. Palace totally happy to sit back.
6 min: Palace haven’t seen much of the ball yet. Not that Hodgson will care, of course, if that pre-match salvo is anything to go by.
4 min: Wilson and Manquillo try to combine down the right. Kouyate puts a halt to their gallop. Wilson has another go. Van Aanholt stops him this time. Newcastle have been extremely proactive in these early stages.
2 min: A scrappy start as both teams struggle to find their feet and their team-mates. But then suddenly Almiron slides a ball down the left for Joelinton, who nearly finds Wilson at the near post. His low cross is hacked away. Lewis tries again; Guaita claims.
Newcastle get the game underway ... but not before all players take a knee. There’s no room for racism. Black lives matter.
The teams are out! Palace play in their red and blue stripes, while Newcastle wear second-choice neon yellow. We’ll be off in a minute. But beforehand, there’s a minute of applause in memory of the greatest of the greats: Diego Maradona. Anyone desirous of reliving his finest hour can do so with this MBM of the famous Argentina-England quarter-final at Mexico 86. Gracias por todo Diego.
These two sides have the lowest possession percentages in the Premier League, and both managers get a little bit testy when the subject’s brought up on Amazon Prime. First up, Roy Hodgson: “I don’t believe in possession stats. Until they have some relevance to the game of football I’m not interested, it’s a load of nonsense. The only possession stats I’m interested in are in the final third. The centre backs rolling the ball across the back isn’t possession. If we’re going to win the game it’s in the final third. If you give me stats of that at the end of the game I might be interested but I suspect yours will be the global kind and that doesn’t interest me at all.”
Dearie me. Steve Bruce is less abrupt, but still bristles. “I don’t take much notice of stats. Was it Jose who said Manchester City had all the possession the other day but he took the three points?”
Palace make two changes to the side named for the loss at Burnley. Gary Cahill and Jeffrey Schlupp take the places of Jairo Riedewald and Michy Batshuayi, who drop to the bench. It’s only Cahill’s second start of the season, the veteran defender having been bothered by hamstring and shin problems.
Newcastle make four changes to the starting XI selected for the Chelsea game. Callum Wilson is back from injury, while Jonjo Shelvey, Miguel Almiron and Jeff Hendrick also return. Jacob Murphy takes a place on the bench, while Allan Saint-Maximin and Jamal Lascelles are injured and Isaac Hayden is poorly.
Updated
The teams
Crystal Palace: Guaita, Clyne, Cahill, Dann, van Aanholt, Kouyate, McArthur, Townsend, Schlupp, Eze, Ayew.
Subs: Butland, Ward, Tomkins, Sakho, Benteke, Batshuayi, Riedewald.
Newcastle United: Darlow, Manquillo, Fernandez, Clark, Lewis, Hendrick, Sean Longstaff, Shelvey, Almiron, Joelinton, Wilson.
Subs: Matthew Longstaff, Schar, Ritchie, Yedlin, Murphy, Gillespie, Anderson.
Referee: Graham Scott (Oxfordshire).
Preamble
Crystal Palace went down tamely at Burnley on Monday evening, while Newcastle rolled over for Chelsea last Saturday. Both will fancy their chances of a bounce-back victory tonight: Palace because they’re unbeaten in this fixture in five, Newcastle because Palace have lost 14 of the last 16 games without Wilfried Zaha, who is still isolating with coronavirus.
Palace can go as high as sixth if they give the Toon a good thumping. Newcastle can leapfrog Manchester United into tenth spot with a victory, or, if they’re the ones handing out a spanking, they’ll go ninth at the expense of Wolves. But neither of these sides are prolific scorers, so realism caveats apply. It’s on!
Kick off: 8pm GMT.
Updated
