Here’s Jordan Henderson “I thought we were ruthless today. We were a little bit sloppy at times but overall we’re delighted with the result and the performance. In certain ways [it was our best performance of the season]. We don’t just look at the scoreline; I thought midweek we were very good. We need to keep the momentum going over Christmas. What was the best goal? Mo, the last one. Was it the last one? Yeah, that one. They were all good finishes.”
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Full time: Crystal Palace 0-7 Liverpool
Peep peep peep peep peep peep peep! Liverpool extend their lead at the top of the table with a display of leadpipe cruelty at Selhurst Park. Vicente Guaita did not make a single save, such was the devastating quality of Liverpool’s finishing. Six of the seven goals were bona fide beauties. Palace, believe it or not, were the better team for much of the first half, but Liverpool took them apart on the break and then did as they pleased in the second half. It was pretty awesome.
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90+1 min “The header against Italy was surely Le Tissier’s Paltrow moment,” says Niall Mullen.
Nah, he was done by then: 1993-95 was his peak.
90 min “Liverpool,” says Niall Mullen, “are close to top scoring for India today.”
89 min I was going to say Liverpool are back until I remembered they were top of the league before this game. But as I said earlier, this feels like the day they stopped playing silly buggers away from home and started to run away with the league.
88 min I’m struggling to think of a game in which one side has scored so many brilliant goals. This is one of my favourites, but I think Liverpool have topped it today.
87 min This would be Liverpool’s biggest ever away defeat in top-flight football. Sadio Mane still has a face like thunder, his brain calculating all those Expected Goals that got away when he was substituted.
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86 min “Careers can hinge on sliding-doors moments,” says Matt Dony. “I always remember Downing narrowly missing a 30-yard screamer in (I think) his first league start for Liverpool against Southampton. It might even have hit the post. Had that gone in, would it have affected his confidence level, and therefore his all-round play? Would it have been a huge boost? Would that have been the stepping stone he needed to dominate the left wing for the next few seasons? Ok, probably not, but we’ll never know.”
Le Tissier with England is a great example of that. He almost scored an uber-Le Tissier goal in the first few minutes of his first start against Romania. But he didn’t, and that was that.
Salah received the ball on the right edge of the area, cut inside van Aanholt curled a booming shot into the far top corner. It’s yet another classic goal.
GOAL! Crystal Palace 0-7 Liverpool (Salah 84)
This is officially preposterous.
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82 min Ayew almost has a chance to get one back (!) but he can’t control a loose ball in the area.
82 min “Dear Rob,” says Colum Fordham. “Are we seeing a Firmino renaissance? Back amongst the goals after a mini-drought. His second, clipped over the keeper, is a sign of a man back in form. Could you wish my Liverpudlian and Fellow Liverpool supporting friend Andy Code a very happy Christmas from distant Naples? This performance seems like the perfect Xmas present.”
Happy Christmas! And yes, I think so – there has been a familiar swagger to his play today, not just the two finishes.
GOAL! Crystal Palace 0-6 Liverpool (Salah 81)
It’s even more absurd now! Alexander-Arnold’s deep corner is headed down by Matip and headed in from close range by Salah.
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81 min THE BEST TEAM LOST.
80 min Liverpool are passing the clock down. The scoreline is absurd, really; I don’t think Guaita has made a save all day.
78 min “Speaking of Stewart Downing and great careers,” begins John Kim. “How is it that Downing left Villa for £5m more than Ashley Young during the same transfer window?”
I think Young only had a year left on his contract.
77 min If you would like to buy some money, you can still get Liverpool at 5/4 to win the Premier League. I’m feeling quite smug after my oft-ridiculed prediction that they’ll win by 10+ points.
75 min And Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain replaces Roberto Firmino, who made one and scored two delicious goals.
74 min Jairo Riedewald replaces James McArthur.
74 min Batshuayi’s cross is volleyed over from a tight angle by Zaha. Doesn’t matter: Batshuayi was offside. And it’s 5-0.
73 min “Why is Salah on?” says Tom Barneby. “The game was won. Take Mane off for Divock or Ox so they can get fitness and confidence. Get Fabinho off too - he’s our most important player now.”
Not a clue. This is the one thing I don’t understand about managers (not just Klopp) when they moan about injuries.
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72 min “Of the Carroll, Downing and Henderson trio, isn’t it at least somewhat surprising that it’s the latter who’s had a great career at LFC?” says Phil Podolsky. “Downing looked a bit of a player at times, Carroll was the absolute unit, and yet it’s the quiet one who ended up becoming a club legend. Hope for us introverts etc.”
You’ve missed out Charlie Adam again.
71 min Now, about that exciting title race...
70 min A substitution apiece: Jones for Wijnaldum, Batshuayi for Eze.
It was another superb counter-attack from a Palace corner. Alexander-Arnold, on the edge of his own area, shaped a lovely long pass to Salah on the right. He cut infield and threaded an angled pass through to Firmino on the edge of the area. Firmino took the ball away from McArthur with his first touch and lifted it over Guaita from a tight angle with his second. Another lovely goal.
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GOAL! Crystal Palace 0-5 Liverpool (Firmino 68)
Roberto Firmino gets his second!
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67 min The match is starting to peter out.
63 min A quick-witted header from Zaha finds van Aanholt, who rattles the bouncing ball wide of the near post from the edge of the area.
63 min James Tomkins comes on for Palace in place of Cheikhou Kouyate.
61 min Palace would call it a day now if they could. Liverpool are probably having their best spell of the game, which sounds absurd given the scoreline, and look hungry for more goals.
60 min Minamino misses a terrific chance. He took Keita’s pass beautifully in his stride, pushing it away from Cahill in the process, but slid a low shot just wide from 10 yards.
59 min “Not only is Fabinho the best centre-back available to Liverpool just now, he’s the best centre-back in the country - so is this his position?” says Gary Naylor. “Everyone talks about how big an adjustment Premier League football represents, yet relatively few players change their position (which may date back to schoolboy matches). I know Steven Gerrard and Gareth Bale started out as full-backs and Cheik Kouyate was a midfielder (not a good example today), but it’s surely the case that there must be more.”
Alex Ferguson and Arsene Wenger used to remould players all the time: Lauren, Beckham, Neville, Irwin, Parlour, Wiltord, Ljungberg, Solskjaer, Scholes, to name a few. Fabinho has been brilliant but I think it’s too early to call him the best in the league. It was his mistake today, for example, that gave Palace their best chance.
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57 min Sadio Mane is replaced by Mo Salah. Mane is very, very, very pissed off: he’s gesticulating in all directions. Mane coming off makes sense; Salah coming on is completely beyond me.
56 min Mane drives just wide after another excellent cutback from Robertson. It took a slight touch off a defender, though I’m not sure it was going in anyway.
56 min Mo Salah is about to come on. I don’t understand that at all.
55 min This feels like the day Liverpool stopped playing silly buggers in the title race.
54 min Liverpool don’t play again until their defeat at home to Sam Allardyce a week tomorrow, but this is still a good chance for Jurgen Klopp to rest three of his players for the last half hour or so.
The scoreline is a travesty but the quality of the goals has been spectacular. Liverpool kept possession for a while on the left before Mane found Alexander-Arnold on the right side of the box. He turned and carefully teed up Henderson to whip a sweet first-time shot into the far corner from 22 yards. Guaita had no chance.
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GOAL! Crystal Palace 0-4 Liverpool (Henderson 52)
Four goals, four beauties.
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50 min Liverpool are playing with Firmino on the right and Mane as centre-forward. I think they made that switch towards the end of the first half, but I was too distracted by the brilliant goals to consciously recognise it.
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49 min Nothing to report in the second half.
46 min Peep peep! Crystal Palace begin the second half.
“The difference between Ayew bumbling Palace’s chance and the quick thinking & impeccable two-touch finishing from Liverpool’s front three has been enormous,” says Bobby Moore. “Three beautifully taken goals. I’d also like to echo Adam Griffiths’ warm wishes and thank you and the MBM crew for your continued insight, wit, and humour. All the best!”
Cheers Bobby!
“Three-nil up at Selhurst Park?” weeps Matt Dony. “No one’s seen Dwight Gayle, have they?”
I can’t get enough of that third goal. All three were terrific but this was easily the best. The four key touches - Firmino’s pass at the start, then Robertson’s pass, Firmino’s control and finish - were immaculate.
Half time: Crystal Palace 0-3 Liverpool
Peep peep! “This has been a ludicrous half,” says my colleague Gregg Bakowski. “It’s like Klopp has tried to play like Spurs to wind Mourinho up.”
Liverpool had three shots on target and score three goals of increasing brilliance. They are going six points clear, and that exciting title race we were promised is fighting for its life.
45+2 min Alexander-Arnold whips the free-kick over the bar.
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45+1 min Clyne is booked for pulling back Minamino in the D. Minamino was offside, but VAR can’t adjudicate on such matters, and this is a great chance for Liverpool to go 4-0 up.
That was glorious football. Firmino, deep in his own half, waved an insouciant pass out to Robertson with the outside of his right foot and set off. Robertson moved into space, waited for support and picked out Firmino just inside the area. He took the ball beautifully in his stride and flicked it nonchalantly past Guaita. A quite gorgeous goal.
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GOAL! Crystal Palace 0-3 Liverpool (Firmino 44)
Oh my, this is sheer delightful football!
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43 min van Aanholt and Alexander-Arnold go head to head over something. Alexander-Arnold kicked a dead ball in van Aanholt’s direction, though I’m not sure why he was so annoyed.
41 min Jurgen Klopp is repeatedly shouting “Why would you do that?” at somebody on the field, presumably the referee. He’s been in a funny mood all season, but I suspect he’ll be cheerier after Christmas as Liverpool run away with the league.
40 min Zaha sprays a drive wide of the near post from a tight angle.
38 min I’m not saying the best team are losing, but the scoreline is harsh on Palace. Liverpool have been devastatingly efficient.
There was a bit of a scramble on the edge of the D, with the ball eventually falling to Firmino, lurking just to the left of centre 22 yards from goal. He played a short pass into Mane, who moved the ball away from Clyne with his first touch and thwacked it past Guaita with his second. Mane’s speed of thought, and feet, were quite something. He had his back to goal on the edge of the area and was tightly marked by Clyne; a couple of seconds later it was 2-0.
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GOAL! Crystal Palace 0-2 Liverpool (Mane 35)
The best player on the field makes it 2-0 with a brilliant goal!
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32 min I’m not saying the best team are losing, but Alisson has had more to do than Vicente Guaita.
31 min Zaha plays a beautiful reverse pass down the left to find van Aanholt in space. His low cross is put behind at the near post by Fabinho. The corner is headed on by Schlupp at the near post and held confidently by Alisson.
30 min Robertson’s excellent corner is headed into the ground and wide of the far post by Matip. That was a chance.
29 min A dreadful pass across his own area from van Aanholt almost falls for Minamino. Clyne gets in front of him to knock the ball behind for a corner.
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28 min Ayew heads straight at Alisson from Milivojevic’s deep free-kick. It wouldn’t have counted though as Ayew was offside.
26 min “Bob,” says Mac Millings. “If I may indulge in some sporting crossover, in honour of India’s recent batting effort in Australia, here is my all-time Cricket Collapse XI:
- Edwin van der Scars
- Terry Butchery
- Mike Ducksbury
- Adelaidy Boothroyd
- Titus Stumble
- Stuart McCallout
- Carl Cort and bowled
- Takumi Ignominyamino
- Shame Long
- Charlie Nichollapse
- Hat-trick Bamford.
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25 min Robertson’s brilliant cross towards Firmino is crucially intercepted by Cahill.
23 min: What a chance for Palace! Oh dear lord. Fabinho’s poor header is intercepted by Ayew, who is through one on one with Alisson on the right-hand side of the area. He declines to shoot and instead tries to pick out Zaha at the far post - but it’s a dreadful pass, a few yards behind him. Zaha collapses to the floor in frustration.
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23 min Schlupp’s cutback is dummied extravagantly by Ayew at the near post, but there are no Palace players behind him. Palace have been the better team in the last 10 minutes or so.
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21 min Palace are having a decent spell here. Clyne’s deep cross is controlled well by Zaha, who picks out Eze on the edge of the box. He teases Henderson but then plays a poor pass.
19 min I did Minamino a disservice with the description of his goal. I thought Clyne had tackled him, but in fact Minamino moved the ball away from him very neatly before rifling it past Guaita. That little bit of skill, coupled with the finish, makes it a cracking goal.
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17 min Alisson comes out of his area to beat Zaha to a loose ball. His clearance goes straight to Milivojevic, who tries to chip him from inside the centre circle. It’s a decent attempet but Alisson has plenty of time to get back and catch the ball.
15 min Palace are coming into the game. Zaha looks lively and is pulling out to the left a lot of the time.
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12 min Zaha’s excellent low cross is taken off Ayew’s toes by Fabinho. Fine defending, though I think Zaha was offside in the build up.
10 min We’re having technical problems I’m afraid. It’s still 1-0, that much I do know.
7 min Zaha tries to run Fabinho, who takes the ball off him with authority. He’s so good one against one.
7 min This is very ominous. For Palace, for the rest of the Premier League, for humanity itself.
6 min Robertson’s cross grazes the head of Mane and drifts across the area. Liverpool, in the parlance of our time, are bang at it.
4 min That’s a perfect start for Liverpool - not just the goal but the identity of the scorer.
It’s his first Premier League goal, and he took it beautifully. Alexander-Arnold started the move by floating a ball into Mane in the area. He turned and squared the ball to Minamino, eight yards out. Clyne came across to challenge but the ball rebounded kindly for Minamino, who cracked it across Guaita and into the far corner. That was an emphatic finish.
GOAL! Crystal Palace 0-1 Liverpool (Minamino 3)
Takumi Minamino slams Liverpool into the lead!
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2 min Kouyate’s clearance is charged down by Firmino, whose low cross is cleared without nonsense by Cahill.
1 min Mane has started on the right for Liverpool, with Minamino on the left.
1 min Peep peep! Liverpool, in their black away strip, kick off on a sunny, blustery afternoon at Selhurst Park.
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It’s nearly time for kick off. A win would put Liverpool six points clear at the top, at least until Everton play tonight.
“Alright, Rob,” says Adam Griffiths. “I’ve no horse in this race, I’ll be spending the ninety minutes lying on the sofa stuffing mini stollen into my face while keeping an eye on proceedings, but just wanted to say Merry Christmas to you and the readers, and cheers for the top MBMing from you and your colleagues this year (and what a year. Stupid 2020). Fingers crossed for 2021, eh.”
Thanks Adam. A very merry Christmas to you and all the readers. When all this is over, let’s have a celebratory MBM orgy. Entry password: Naylor.
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“Dearest of Robs, I have convinced my other friend that Liverpool switch off just enough against the non-big sides away from home to make these the dangerous games rather than facing your Chelseas and Citys,” says Ian Copestake. “It is an unconscious falling away, but the first three bad touches they had against Fulham showed what was to come. My hope is that beating Jose M was a turning point and also something he will take credit for.”
Look, the best team lost, get over it.
Pre-match reading
One bit of good news for Liverpool is that there will be no fans at Selhurst Park this afternoon. The 2,000 crowd made such a difference during Palace’s draw with Spurs last Sunday, back in the halcyon days of London being in tier 2.
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Team news: Salah rested
Jordan Ayew replaces the suspended Christian Benteke, one of four changes for Crystal Palace. Liverpool make three changes: Joel Matip returns after a back spasm, and Mo Salah and Curtis Jones are rested.
Crystal Palace (4-4-2) Guaita; Clyne, Kouyate, Cahill, van Aanholt; Schlupp, Milivojevic, McArthur, Eze; Zaha, Ayew.
Substitutes: Butland, Ward, Tomkins, Dann, Mitchell, Townsend, McCarthy, Riedewald, Batshuayi.
Liverpool (4-3-3) Alisson; Alexander-Arnold, Matip, Fabinho, Robertson; Wijnaldum, Henderson, Keita; Minamino, Firmino, Mane.
Substitutes: Adrian, Kelleher, R Williams, Phillips, N Williams, Oxlade-Chamberlain, Jones, Salah, Origi.
Referee Jon Moss.
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Preamble
Hello. In most cases, Covid football has reduced or even obliterated home advantage. Liverpool are one of the exceptions. Twenty-one of their 28 points this season have been won at Anfield: they’ve won seven out of seven, as compared to one in six away from home. Only four teams have picked up fewer points on their travels, and Liverpool’s one win, at Chelsea, was three months ago. Today’s trip to Crystal Palace is their latest chance to sort their away form out.
Styles make fights, and Palace’s strengths – Hodgson, Two Banks of Four, Zaha-led counter-attacks – make them uncomfortable opponents for Liverpool. Most of their recent games have been close, including a nerve-shredding 4-3 at Anfield two years ago, but Liverpool tend to get the job done. They have won the last six games at Selhurst Park, and the last six against Palace anywhere since Christian Benteke won at Anfield in 2017.
That was Liverpool’s last home defeat in the league, a run that shows no sign of ending. Liverpool’s home record means that, if they get anywhere near last season’s away form, we can probably forget about a title race.
Kick off 12.30pm.
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