Dear Agony Akka,
Last week, I attended an intimate wedding reception in my neighbourhood, where I met the girl of my dreams. Even though she was wearing a mask, her innate grace and beauty caught my eye. And when she briefly pulled down the mask at the salad counter, I noticed a tiny mole above her lip. Just like my screen goddess, Nayanthara, only this girl’s mole is on the left upper lip. I have now initiated marriage proposal proceedings through the girl’s aunt’s mother-in-law, who also happens to be my grandmother’s third cousin’s sister-in-law on her mother’s side. Do you think I could also ask the girl to do a minor surgery to move the mole from left to centre before our marriage? That would be my ultimate fantasy coming to life.
— Dreaming Ultimate Dreams
Dear DUD,
You have presented a most challenging molecular problem. But before that let me confess that I too have a most charming mole exactly in the middle of my right elbow. I always try to avoid full sleeves on my blouses and kurtas so that it can be seen well. In fact only last Monday morning when I went to pick up newspaper at the main gate — newspapers not allowed into our housing complex, only fruits and vegetables can come — Shankar from B Block No. 27 was telling me that mole on right elbow means I will be very good in Carnatic music because there is a nerve on that spot that goes directly to vocal chords and vibrates every time we open mouth. That is why we can call it Music Elbow just like Tennis Elbow for sportspeople. This was an uncanny observation on his part because I think I have mentioned before that I sing ‘Brocheva’ very well and I used to perform it in all annual day shows.
Maybe next time I meet Shankar at main gate I can enquire if there is any nerve travelling from lips to any significant part of the human anatomy? In your preoccupation with the exact topographical location of mole above lip, you must not ignore importance of what route the nerve is taking. Your future wife might well turn out to be famous brain surgeon or stockmarket expert and I am not sure you want to risk losing such exciting possibilities by shifting the mole hither and thither like carrom coin.
For full and accurate reply, however, please to share information on what mole or other significant features you are having or not having. Because girl also might have plans of shifting this and that so that she can fulfil lifelong dream of having husband who has chin like Prabhu, oh sorry he does not have chin. Or maybe she wants you to grow hair all over face like Rajendar so that she need not see you.
So, this is what you should do. Send a message through your grandmother’s third cousin’s sister-in-law and fix up meeting in a coffee shop. Oho lockdown. Okay never mind, do Zoom meeting. Exchange notes. You tell her to shift mole and she can tell you to shift your proposal to another girl. This will be mutually beneficial.
But I do see how smitten you are. Usually when presented with salad counter I am unable to take in any nearby scenery whereas you have noticed lady’s mole, grace, whatnot. Did you manage to get any salad, just curious. Maybe you made up for it in the dessert counter? Let me give you friendly tip — Nayanthara lookalikes will be looking for Surya lookalikes. Eat salad.
— AA
agony.akka@gmail.com
