Not sure if you quite love anyone enough to give them your last Rolo? Easy. Just fork out the value of your remaining pension for a specially cast sweet in rose gold, and you get to eat all the chocolates yourself! Your loved one will truly be speechless
£59.99 from iwantoneofthose.com Photograph: PR
You’ve already given your beloved your heart, so what could be more romantic than to give them another one? High in iron, zinc and vitamin B3, this calf heart produces a rich and stewy dish “when stuffed and slowly basted”. And indeed, which of us has not felt that way, from time to time, in matters of romance?
£2.50 from alternativemeats.co.uk Photograph: StockFood/Getty Images
Because sometimes Cupid needs a helping hand
£24.99 from honeypotgifts.co.uk Photograph: PR
What if he asks for your hand and you're overcome by emotion? Allow the timeless mystery of the Easter Island moai to bear witness to your magical moment, while dispensing a tissue from its nostril
3.95 from acornonline.com Photograph: PR
“Erotic and eggciting”, it says here, and while strictly speaking this gift is in no sense either, it is not entirely without value. If your relationship can survive this, it can survive anything
£3.00 from prezziesplus.co.uk Photograph: PR
Because nothing says romance like a bit of the old ding-dong
£3.99 from prezziesplus.co.uk Photograph: PR
A truly generous offer from Britain’s most ubiquitous service station lovenest: one free night’s stay at any one of its 351 hotels for any couple that can prove they are called Romeo and Juliet. With ID verified, the nation’s many qualifying couples can luxuriate in all that their £19-worth of free hospitality offers
www.travelodge.co.uk Photograph: Rex Features/Rex Features
All the ingredients for romance are here: a bottle of Cava, a single red rose, fresh oysters, a chicken and vegetable dinner for two, strawberry cheesecake, some table crackers, a box of Belgian chocolates AND some saucy lingerie. And all for just £19.71. Mmmm-mmmm! Highlight of the package has to be the slinky chemise, which normally retails at £2.50 and which, it says here, will “really set sparks flying in the bedroom later on”. They’re not kidding
From stores nationwide Photograph: Martin Eidemak/PR
'Perfect for yourself or as a gift from your partner,' says the Easily Achieve clinic, which is offering Valentine-themed therapy sessions for the female half of the star-cross’d lovers. Why not treat your girlfriend, if she’s a bit fat, to the “Size Zero Hero” session, which may encourage her to stop pigging out and make a bit more of herself? Grumpy ladies, meanwhile, will love the “Moody Cow” session, aimed at stopping them nagging so much
£70 per session from easilyachieve.com Photograph: Image Source/Rex Features
