Crap cycle lanes

This cycle lane lets you smack both your handlebars and your knuckles into a lamppost at 50 metre intervals. It definitely gives a rhythm to the journey Photograph: D Richards/Warrington Cycle Campaign/Eye Books

Perhaps with a limited tarmac budget for cycle lanes, Preston Highways Department reasoned that, by making them narrower, they could stretch them further along. Or maybe a pedantic contractor scaled up the line drawn on the map. Or it could even be a course carefully designed to test the sufficiency of the cyclist’s morning caffeine dose Photograph: Warrington Cycle Campaign/Eye Books

This spectacular new velodrome in Coventry has a sheltered grandstand, and, coming soon, food stalls, bars and ticket touts. One of the many crap cycle lanes to which the only real response is “…but why?” Photograph: M. Edwards /Warrington Cycle Campaign/Eye Books

The large supermarket chains see cyclists as a healthy market, and nothing is too much trouble to welcome them. For example, Tesco offer this custom-designed, er, pole. Bring a friend. Bring all your friends! On second thoughts, better just bring one friend Photograph: Warrington Cycle Campaign/Eye Books

Two-way cycle lanes can be hazardous, especially where the width is tight. Danger of collision is ever-present. Coventry city council have banished this risk altogether with this innovative segregating fence. See also how the metal sign at the far end of the fence provides a subtle reminder to cyclists of the need to keep knees and feet a good distance from the centre of the facility Photograph: P. Owens/Warrington Cycle Campaign/Eye Books

A fun and easy way for bicycles to get from A to B. As long as they don’t have a rider, that is Photograph: Warrington Cycle Campaign/Eye Books

We can only wonder what motivated Crawley planners in this delightful initiative: a cycle lane that stretches out across a traffic lane, abruptly ending about a metre from the kerb. The idea is, presumably, to stop by the END marking, then lift or push the bicycle the last two and a half feet   It’s easy to imagine the patient smiles as happy drivers await the completion of the inexplicable ritual. Photograph: Warrington Cycle Campaign/Eye Books

Enjoy the red-carpet treatment for a full five seconds as you take advantage of Stratford-upon-Avon's generous cycling Nirvana. Photograph: J. Stocks/Warrington Cycle Campaign/Eye Books

Fancy a battle with oncoming vehicles across a dual carriageway ? To tempt you, there's the inviting half-metre strip of cycle path on the other side, if you happen to make it there in one piece ... Photograph: T. Raven/Warrington Cycle Campaign/Eye Books