HERE WE GO AGAIN
Ahead of a weekend jam-packed full of intriguing derbies and needle matches – West Ham v Spurs, Juventus v Torino, the Steel City set-to and AFC Wimbledon v Franchise FC – The Fiver has decided to focus its gimlet-eyed stare on Saturday lunchtime’s Old Firm fitba festival between the Queen’s Celtic and the Pope’s O’Rangers. While there are many in Glasgow who claim O’Rangers have only existed since 2012 and liken the current squad to the White Walkers in Game of Thrones, they have enjoyed a bitter rivalry with their city rivals for well over a century, in which time the two clubs have played each other 407 times. O’Rangers, indeed, have the edge courtesy of just nine extra wins.
In recent times, however, the Queen’s Celtic have been whittling away at that advantage, having won five of the six meetings last season. Indeed, you have to go back to March 2012 for the most recent occasion the team in blue won the scrap to discover the tallest pygmy in the village, but if they can win here they’ll end an unbeaten domestic run that stretches to 56 games. Ibrox is the setting for what promises to be a lively affair and in the buildup Brendan Rodgers has been cranking up the tension by insisting there is tension to be cranked up. Upon hearing comments from Craig Bellamy, who suggested people outside Scotland don’t care about fitba, Rodgers responded with remarks that suggest he spends far too many weekends in training-ground dining rooms. “I have been in enough canteens – where, if the game is on, they are watching it,” said Rodgers, referring to former charges at Watford, Swansea and Liverpool. “Where they know the intensity and they think ‘bloody hell, what type of game that must be to play in?’ Absolutely it’s box office, no question.”
Already five points behind the Queen’s Celtic after a mediocre start to the season, O’Rangers will be hoping for big things from their new striker Alfredo Morelos. The 21-year-old Colombian has scored eight goals in 10 matches for the club, but his Mr 15% has warned of his young client’s fiery nature and voiced fears he may get sent off. “He is the kind of player who thrives on the big games,” whooped Jonne Lindborn. “The only worry is you can see that he can get overly excited at times. Hopefully the [Queen’s] Celtic players won’t target him that much because he can lose his head sometimes.”
Lindborn’s concerns are shared by O’Rangers manager Pedro Caixinha, who said he expected Morelos would be “provoked” by the Queen’s Celtic players. “I don’t think he needs any help in that, watching the game the other night against Partick,” parped Rodgers, referring to an incident in which Morelos got away with kicking out at an opposition player. Expect famously mild-mannered Queen’s Celtic captain Scott Brown to have taken note of Morelos’s apparent combustibility and to act with appropriate measures of patience and understanding.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“He gave me three or four punches. I held my microphone, I did not stop. I thought, it must not be true. In the broadcast from Lugano, I said nothing especially about him. In last week’s shows, I certainly criticised his leadership style one time or another, but always in an objective context. Suddenly, [he] called out to me. I turned around and already the first blow had landed in the middle of my face. A few more strikes followed. I turned and wanted to escape, but I stumbled over the camera. I fell over on the ground. Then there was still a kick in the butt, in the back. So, really unbelievable!” – Rolf Fringer, former Switzerland boss turned TV pundit, describes the moment he was set upon by funky Sion president Christian Constantin who, it appears, didn’t like the cut of Fringer’s jib after their 2-1 win over Lugano. Swiss Super League suits “vehemently condemned” Constantin’s behaviour, which is now being investigated.
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FIVER LETTERS
“After the breathless excitement of the Worthington Cup, the next really exciting part of the season is surely the January transfer window. It got me casually wondering … if Mr Roy decides to make a bold move for a striker from Manchester City in order to improve his team’s survival chances, would we see the hashtag #JesusCryst trending?” – Allastair McGillivray.
“What do you get if you cross a shell-suit and a very bad pun? Presumably this from Vinnie Jones” – Noble Francis.
“Re: yesterday’s Bits and Bobs, where Arsène Wenger is quoted as saying Alexis Sánchez was ‘still a bit short physically’ and so he played him against Doncaster in the Milk Cup. Apart from sounding a bit size-ist, as anyone who attended Physiology 2h at Edinburgh University in 1981 will agree, running around a pitch will not tend to result in decreasing the physical characteristic of ‘shortness’ in a human male subject. Some people who attended Genetics 3h at Edinburgh University in 1982 might tell you that the ‘shortness’ of a person has both genetic and environmental influences, but ‘having more competition’ will not help in the short term, although things may change for the ‘football-playing’ population long term due to evolution, especially if Arsène and his descendants are doing the ‘selection’” – Rankin Small.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Allastair McGillivray.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Chief suit Martin Glenn has embarrassed the FA further by contradicting the governing body’s own lawyers by saying he deliberately chose a black woman to investigate the Mark Sampson race allegations, despite Big Paper/Website being warned by the very same legal bods that reporting such a claim was “plainly false”.
Jürgen Klopp intends to keep the controls set for the heart of the sun despite Liverpool’s defence being as resilient as a soggy tea bag. “If you ask me what would you prefer: ‘Do you want your team perfect in defending set-pieces but don’t know how to play football or would you prefer the other way round?’ – I still would take this second one,” he honked, as Dejan Lovren tripped over his laces behind him.
Mauricio Pochettino showed Klopp a thing or two about tactics sessions by improving Spurs’ defending at Nathan Barley wannabe foodspot Beast. “We had a dinner with all the staff and players that I invite of course. I paid the bill at the end!” he cheered as Daniel Levy steadfastly kept his hand in his pocket. “That is important … put all the staff in a restaurant? That is tactics too.”
Altach are appealing against the Austrian FA’s decision to ban striker Bernard Tekpetey for gesturing towards Union Gurten fans who were allegedly racially abusing him with “unbelievable” insults in a cup tie.
Napoli foghorn Aurelio De Laurentiis wants someone to take a pair of scissors to the bottom of the Serie A table. “In 1986, the teams in Serie A were 16. Then, who knows why, we became 20,” he blathered. “If we were still 16, with just one relegation, we would all be happier and more competitive.”
West Brom’s Gareth Barry, 87, will break Ryan Giggs’ record for Premier League appearances if he can creak around the Emirates Stadium turf on Monday for a bit before getting booked and substituted in his 633rd top-flight game.
And King Power-owned, Belgian second-tier outfit Oud-Heverlee Leuven think that ostrich antagonist Nigel Pearson is the manager for them. “I look forward to my return to football, working again with King Power’s people and helping out this beautiful club,” he roared.
THE RECAP
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STILL WANT MORE?
If you’re hungry for juicy detail on how Gabriel Jesus – the humble kid from São Paolo – became a superstar, then this lavish piece by Nick Ellerby will more than fill you up.
“The guy in the shop was the first person I’d spoken to in four days”: readers – some of whom amazingly have friends and families – tell their stories of their greatest accomplishments in the virtual dugout to mark 25 years of Championship Manager.
Renato Sanches sticking it right up his critics and Saints’ hopes of a 90s throwback are just two of the 10 things you should be looking out for in the Premier League this weekend.
On the subject of 90s throwbacks, Nick Ames takes a feather-toed touch, flicks it over his man and then volleys home the genius of Matt Le Tissier in this belting Joy of Six.
Michael Butler gets his chat on with Alex Neil, who is working his own humble brand of magic at Preston having been bundled aboard the good ship Do One by Norwich last season.
The Women’s Super League kicks off with a Merseyside derby and the hope of building on the increased attention to the women’s game during the Euros, writes Paul MacInnes.
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