SIX GAMES TO GO
As a whippersnapper The Fiver would often be strapped into the back of Weird Uncle Fiver’s jalopy during school holidays and get driven through the valleys for a week at F.U.N camp. Yet upon arrival all the other kids would be throwing a funny shaped ball around, leaving The Fiver to hopelessly kick a plastic football against a garden shed on its own. Wales, you see, was rugby country. But now, thanks to Chris Coleman and a squad containing nine players from England (see what you’ve missed out on FA?), football rules. While the egg-chasers were having their shells cracked in New Zealand, Aaron Ramsey, Gareth Bale and pals have been tearing Europe apart – no, we’re not going there – to present the team with one of their biggest moments ever.
Just let this sink in for a moment: Wales are playing a quarter-final against Belgium in Lille for the right to face Him and his Portuguese sidekicks in the semi-finals of Euro 2016. Coleman says the fans can dream – which is just as well because when they return from France they will find a nation … [I thought you said you weren’t going there? – Fiver Ed] – and nobody can argue it is undeserved. Wales have been very good at this tournament, a defensive lapse against England aside, and are right to be confident – not least on account of their performances against Belgium in qualifying, when they took four points from six.
Even the most passionate Welshman will admit Belgium have a superior squad but they can be brilliant one day and dysfunctional the next. There have been stories of Belgian players confronting Marc Wilmots, the manager whose life goal seems to be cramming square pegs in round holes, over his baffling tactics and refusal to play his best team and players in their right position. But even when they looked like the second-best team in the world, against Republic O’Ireland and Hungary, there were accusations that the players were doing so in spite of the manager.
Either way, there are knack and suspension problems. Perhaps most worryingly, Eden Hazard is struggling with thigh-twang – so much for being fresh after a relaxing domestic season – and the defence contains more holes than a block of Swiss cheese. Jordan Lukaku could make his tournament debut and Jason Denayer, believed to be a mythical creature by some at Manchester City, will also start in defence. It is all set up, then, for a classic breakaway goal from Bale, the party to end all parties in Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch and maybe, most importantly, the chance for visiting youngsters to play a proper game with new friends in the camps at Brynowen and Tenby this summer.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Barry Glendenning from 8pm BST for hot MBM coverage of Gareth Bale 1-2 Belgium.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“With his team-mates, he was OK, but with the coaching staff, his behaviour wasn’t good. His anger was directed at us. That’s why he’s the only player I didn’t write to” – Vicente Del Bosque makes sure to single out Iker Casillas in his parting shot from the Spain job.
RECOMMENDED VIEWING
Setting the scene for Gareth Bale v Belgium, it’s our match preview.
FIVER LETTERS
“After getting up at 2.30am on a flamin’ cold winter morning (again) in Perth, Australia to watch another boring game of football settled by penalties due to both teams not bothering to try to score for almost half the game as they were happy to go to a shootout, I had a thought. Why not have the penalty shootout at the start of the game? That way the losing shootout team will know that, unless they win by the end of extra-time, they will be knocked out and may actually try to win it instead of effing around for 120 minutes of yawn” – Stephen Kirk.
“On the way to Incheon, Korea’s main international airport, the taxi driver asked me his stock passenger question: where are you from? I said ‘Yungoo’, the closest approximation for England in the Korean language. He laughed, shook his head and we both settled for 45 minutes of mutually appreciated silence. That’s how bad it is” – Roger Mart.
“When even Gareth Southgate (a man who is synonymous with the national team for missing the decisive penalty in a shootout, and who was relegated in his only management job at domestic level) thinks he is too good to be the England manager, we know we are in serious trouble. I mean, who in their right mind would actually want the job? I can’t think of anyone. And because no one sane would take on the role, there is only one viable person who can save the day. Step forward Boris Johnson. You know it makes sense” – Dan Makeham.
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Roger Mart.
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RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Open your mind … to AC Jimbo and co with Euro 2016 Football Daily.
BITS AND BOBS
After 29 years at Manchester United, Ryan Giggs is heading for pastures new.
Manchester City have made Nolito their second signing under Pep Guardiola. “It’s something I’m really excited about and so here we are,” he trilled.
FA suits are set to approach leading figures from sport, plus Stuart Lancaster, in their hunt for a new manager.
A busy day for Watford: they’ve given Troy Deeney a new five-year deal, signed Christian Kabasele, edged closer to a move for the wonderfully monikered Isaac Success, and still found time to tell Shanghai SIP where to go with their £38m bid for Odion Ighalo.
A busy day for Crystal Palace: Andros Townsend and Steve Mandanda have joined, Alan Pardew has jigged his way to a new contract and Dwight Gayle has moved for £10m to Newcastle, who themselves have also signed Matt Ritchie from Bournemouth in what’s set to be a Championship-record £12m transfer.
In buyout clause news, Neymar’s is now worth €250m owing to his new five-year pay packet at Barcelona.
Sheffield Wednesday’s #headsgone after signing free agent Steven Fletcher.
And Bury have been demoted to 16th in last season’s League One table after a three-point deduction for playing the ineligible 16-year-old Callum Styles in May’s 3-2 win over Southend.
STILL WANT MORE?
“I don’t want to bring you down, like, but I’ve just read that Raheem Sterling has a really fancy sink.” David Squires crowbars some of the week’s many idiocies into his latest Euro 2016 cartoon.
Barney Ronay takes aim at the unpleasant vilification of England’s players after the Iceland debacle. “This kind of insistent, oddly pointed scapegoating diminishes us all,” he declaims.
As may have been pointed out, Wales are in a major tournament quarter-final for the first time since 1958, when, as Simon Burnton explains, their progress was a tad more bizarre than it has been this time.
Italy face Germany on Saturday, the one match-up in international football in which the Germans feel cursed. Rob Smyth on the bogeymen’s bogeymen.
“Bring yer dinner” for Barry Glendenning’s Joy of Six on memorable team talks. Includes John Sitton’s famous tirade and Ferg’s hairdryers.
Jürgen Klinsmann for England? Ha-ha!! Nelson Muntzs Graham Ruthven.
We forgot to plug this week’s Gallery. It’s Marek Hamsik and not that spectacular, if we’re being honest. Next: send us your England at Euro 2016 efforts.
And Ed Aarons reckons Claude Puel’s appointment at Southampton will soothe fans’ anxieties about Ronald Koeman’s departure.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace.AND INSTACHAT TOO!
