Would you like to see some productive things happen in the coming year? If you do, be sure to ask yourself what you can change about you.
For example, ask: How can I be more productive? What can I do to ensure I'm more organized? What can I stop doing to enhance my relationships?
"I've discovered that nothing changes until I change something about myself," says a high school principal we'll call Barron. "I tell my students that they can rant all day about their parents, teachers, and grades. But, the magic happens when they change themselves."
Barron's gives his students these tips:
_ Support your parents by doing a couple of small chores each day. He advises students to do at least two 10-minutes chores each day. Folding laundry, making a salad, or sweeping a porch are chores that fit this time slot.
_ Support your teachers by bragging on them. If a teacher is interesting, express this. If a teacher gives you a break, thank him or her.
_ Put a smile on your face and give away some joy. There are many people who could use a smile or a hug.
Barron says he learned some life lessons from his grandfather. His grandfather told him when he was 10 years old to look for positive choices every single day.
"Now," says Barron, "I think about what I can change all by myself. For instance, I used to sleep until 10 a.m. on Saturdays. Now, though, I get up at 8:30 and make it a point to talk with my wife about how her week went."
"One change I'm making this year is to stop dishing too much advice to my relatives," laughs a woman we'll call Danielle. "It's not my job to tell my nephew he has a lousy job or hint to my sister she needs to lose twenty pounds."
Danielle is right. We can all reduce our own stress, not to mention the stress of others, by keeping some thoughts to ourselves.
"Changing myself last year," says a police officer we'll call Brett, "amounted to thinking positive thoughts on purpose. I work in a high crime area, so this wasn't easy. But, I forced myself to look for the good. These days I focus on what I can change, and I've stopped criticizing myself when I can't fix a situation."
Brett says he's still able to do his job appropriately. "But," he declares, "I've stopped wasting my energy on griping and groaning. The best part is that I've got my stress more under control."
A family counselor we'll call Meagan says she works with a lot of family violence victims. Meagan says she's learned to require some proactive steps from abused wives and abused husbands.
"This sounds crazy," says Meagan, "but I encourage these individuals to change the atmosphere in their homes. I tell them to proactively ask their mates if they're happy. I tell them to use statements such as, 'I know we can figure this out' or 'We need to look on the bright side of things.' Angry, abusive people don't need to hear harsh words. They need to feel that their feelings matter."
Meagan says many violent people have never had a single person ask them how they feel. "They feel cheated, tired, and backed into a corner most of the time," she says. "If we become truly interested in how someone is feeling, they will immediately have more trust in us."
