Etiquette arbiter Debrett’s this week published its guide to the most frequently posed conundrums, covering such 21st-century matters as air-kissing, vaping, plane seat reclining, Cc/Bcc-ing on email and eating fast food on public transport. However, there are a few vital areas of contemporary etiquette that it missed, so here’s our helpful addendum…
Spoilers
We’ve all started talking about a film or TV show, only to have someone indignantly cry, “No spoilers!” The best course of action is to keep such chats general without going into the plot specifics, unless you’re sure the other person has seen it too. A statute of limitations also applies: one year for TV shows (enough time for slowcoaches to watch their Sky+ backlog or watch the box set) and two years for films (enough time for them to come out on DVD and TV).
Email sign-offs
Ending an email is a veritable cyber-minefield. To be on the safe side, keep kisses and emojis out of the workplace (along with pets, swimwear, drugs and illegal weaponry). Although you’re bound to slip into autopilot one day and send an inappropriate kiss, possibly with winky face, to your boss. It gets even more cringey if your boss responds in kind. Sadface.
Three-letter words online
Yay, lol, nom, meh… all to be avoided unless you’re under 15/American/deeply annoying.
Keep calm and carry on
As a motto, the sentiment is admirable. Owning any merchandise printed with it, or “hilarious” variations on it, is less admirable. In fact, like union jack cushions, shabby chic bunting or the letters “LOVE” or “HOME” on a bookshelf, it’s downright evil.
Nando’s
Check your table number before ordering at the counter. Never order any meat except chicken. Grab your own condiments, feel free to eat with your hands and take turns to refill bottomless drinks. Although, Nando’s is officially over now. As of last week, and Simon Cowell’s visit to the Boston Manor branch, Harvester is where it’s at. Make ours a surf ’n’turf platter with unlimited salad.
Newspaper comment sections
Expressing a robust opinion: fine. Trolling, pedantry, swivel-eyed lunacy or writing “Why is this news? What about Syria? Whither Darfur?”: not fine.
Reading the Daily Mail
Not fine. It’s like the old media version of trolling.
Mankles
Put them away please, gentlemen. The only people who enjoy a glimpse of mankle are fellow male hipsters – and who wants their approval?
Instagramming food and drink
Only in the privacy of your own home, please. Same with selfies, unless drunk/on holiday/drunk on holiday.
