PREDICTIVE VEXED
Thanks to technological advances the forthcoming Ethics World Cup will, as we know, feature video assistant referees, but Fifa has decided not to go the whole hog so will allow matches to be contested for at least a few more years by teams made up of real life players. That’s a risky call, with flesh-and-blood staff notoriously prone to goofs and injuries and very difficult to operate from bed with a control pad. As the computer game Fifa 18 continues to rack up sales – way more than 10 million so far since its release in September – a generation is being conditioned to embrace the imminent cleansing of humans from pitches. But we are not quite there yet and, besides, Fifa 18 has still not shifted as many units as Grand Theft Auto or Call of Duty, which suggests that war and mayhem are still more popular than more gentle sport so it would be silly of Fifa to phase out the living menace Sergio Ramos at this juncture.
But technology will soon complete its takeover, be sure of that, frail mortal. To prove its growing power, EA Sports, the makers of Fifa 18, this week fed all the game’s stats and data into a huge beeping bot, which duly announced exactly how the forthcoming Ethics World Cup will unfold provided all those fickle humans manage to stick to coherent behavioural patterns. Bearing in mind that the updated England squad issued on Fifa 18 this week included Jack Wilshere and Joe Hart, we should treat the company’s output with caution. On the other hand, EA’s gizmo correctly calculated that Spain would win the 2010 World Cup and that Germany would be champions in 2014 so their forecasts are not to be dismissed altogether and, besides, Paul the Octopus isn’t about to offer alternative guidance, being unreliable due to death.
According to EA’s calculations, Jordan Pickford has been wasting everyone’s time. The England goalkeeper revealed this week that he and his team-mates have been practising penalties in the run-up to Russia, but what he and Gareth Southgate have failed to work out is that they are going to be eliminated in the last 16 by Colombia, after a penalty shootout. The only consolation is that they could potentially meet Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi at the duty-free in Moscow airport, because Portugal are going to be ousted at the same stage by Uruguay while Messi and his little helpers may feel like drowning their sorrows after being sent packing by France.
Didier Deschamps could do with downloading EA’s software because it, for one, appears to have figured out a way of fitting Paul Pogba into a team without neutering Kylian Mbappé and, accordingly, it predicts that France will go on to be crowned champions. After winning the final against Germany. On a penalty shootout. It seems even computers aren’t immune to bugs.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
“We’ve not had a race but, put it this way, there are a lot of players who would back themselves. Over 100 metres Raheem would be rapid out of the blocks – say, the first 10 yards. Then there are a few boys that would catch him up and take him over. Marcus is quick, Kyle Walker … I have not seen Ruben [Loftus-Cheek] really go for it yet, but he might be quick” – Danny Welbeck talks to Daniel Taylor about Mike Tyson, fighting back from injuries and who is the fastest player in the England squad.
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THE RECAP
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NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Cease the Sergio Ramos to the guillotine campaign, for Mohamed Salah will be fit to play in the World Cup group stages. “The period of absence of Salah due to injury will not exceed three weeks,” said an Egyptian FA suit.
The captain of Peru, Paolo Guerrero, has been cleared by a Swiss supreme court judge to play at the World Cup, overturning a 14-month ban for testing positive for a metabolite of cocaine at a World Cup qualifying game against Argentina in October.
Racist and homophobic chants are on the rise in Russia before the Ethics World Cup, says a new report.
Clark Carlisle spoke for all of us when he said the criticism of Raheem Sterling’s gun tattoo is “unfair” and told the media to leave the England forward in peace.
Gary Cahill’s poor season with Chelsea had him fretting over his place in the England’s World Cup squad.
STILL WANT MORE?
David Hytner sat down with Mikel John Obi in west London for a good exclusive old chin-wag. And yes, the former Chelsea man has a massive mural of himself.
Should England use Russia as a dry run for future tournaments they want to do well in but will still fail in? Paul Wilson poo-poos the very notion.
Is Bernardo Silva the latest but true heir to Cristiano Ronaldo? Nuno Travassos thinks he might be.
It’s team guide time and you can catch the lowdown on restless Russia, reinvented Uruguay, potent Saudi Arabia, defensive Egypt and ageing Portugal. The rest is to come.
Let us know: which is your favourite World Cup and why?
Anton Miranchuk has emerged from the shadow of his twin Alexey, writes Philipp Papenkov. Now the brothers are the creative heartbeat of the Russia team.
In 1974 Jan Olsson was sold the mother of all dummies and the Cruyff Turn was born. Scott Murray relives the moment that symbolises Total Football.
Matías Vecino was 14 when his father died in a crash but his response has made him a mainstay of the Uruguay team and caught Antonio Conte’s eye, explains Pablo Benítez.
Fashion conscious Salem Al-Dawsari represents a new breed of Saudi Arabia player, so says Gregory Wilcox.
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