ROY RAGE
Anyone involved in international management knows weeks like these can be the toughest of their careers. Because before departing for major tournaments many managers face the emotionally difficult task of telling some players who’ve given years of loyal service that they’re no longer welcome among the traveling party so could they kindly pack up their diamond-encrusted iPads and ginormous headphones and give up their seats to someone less infirm. But some managers have it even tougher than that – the ones who scout around and realise they can’t leave out anyone and, as a result, wind up with a 23-man squad that looks like it’s been put together by the sort of happy-go-lucky kid who never despairs at running out of pocket money because there’s no shame in completing a Panini sticker album with crayon-drawn stickmen.
And indeed there isn’t any shame in that. So there’d be no point in the Republic O’Ireland managerial duo of Martin O’Neill and Roy Keane moaning about some of the selections that they have had to make, even if Robbie Keane has reached the stage where it would be more seemly to put him on a postage stamp than in a Euro 2016 squad. But that is not to say O’Neill and Keane have to abandon standards all together. If the Irish management had said performances like the one served up during last night’s 2-1 defeat by Belarus was acceptable, then Uefa would have been forced to intervene and allow Scotland back into the tournament instead. So it’s just as well that Keane blasted today that “we wanted to kill some of [the players] last night”.
Keane, famously averse to preparing for big tournaments with rubbish training pitches and pizzas at which Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink would scoff, is evidently vexed at having to prepare for a big tournament with iffy players. “Considering some of their performances last night, they should be counting their blessings that they managed to get on the flight after last night’s performance,” stormed Keane.
One player who did play well last night was Callum O’Dowda, who did not make the final 23 but has been asked to continue training with the squad in case Robbie Keane does not recover in time. Harry Arter had to pull out, however, and James McCarthy is included but still nursing an injury. And in further medical news, Roy Keane is understood to be close to prescribing exploratory surgery in a desperate final effort to locate the half-decent player lurking somewhere inside Aiden McGeady. “I think he can do a lot better than last night,” fumed Keane. “But maybe that’s the story of Aiden’s career.”
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I dribbled and played against him as a child. My dog was a boxer and was always trying to get the ball off me. It was fun. Even when he nicked it from me, he would give it back and keep playing. When I had to do training runs, I would do it with my dog. After an injury early in my career, I noticed that I got tired quickly doing these runs, but I managed to get back in shape after a while. Once the dog struggled to keep up with me, I knew I was back in form” – Robert Lewandowski reveals how a canine chum helped him in his early days.
FIVER LETTERS
“Over the years I have often been left stunned by the utterances of the world’s most teatimely free football email but you really had me spitting out my coffee on Tuesday. To describe Mr Roy as ‘Croydon’s favourite son’ does a massive disservice to Captain Sensible. Has Mr Roy got a bench named in his honour? Or cleaned toilets at the Fairfield Hall? I doubt it very much. Has he written a heartwarming song to the place? Or welcomed Through The Keyhole to his home? No. The one true favourite son of Croydon is Raymond Burns. Hang your head in shame” – Phil Withall.
“Am I the only Fiver reader who, when faced with the trial of working through the Fiver letters section every day, just looks to see which one has won letter o’ the day and only bothers to read that one? If not, then I guess this is the ‘If a tree falls in the woods’ question for the digital age” – Chris Bates.
“If Jose and Pep really went mano-a-mano, then things would really be interesting, since mano-a-mano literally means going hand-to-hand, as a simple Google translate by Fiver would result in mano being the Spanish for hand. But then, should we expect any real work to be done by Fiver?” – Nigel Assam.
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Chris Bates.
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RECOMMENDED CLICKING
24 teams, 552 players and countless nuggets of fascination: it’s our Euro 2016 player-by-player guide!
And what’s this? Football Weekly Live is heading back to Manchester on 2 September. Get your tickets here while they’re lukewarm. It’s international week. You’ll need something to do.
BITS AND BOBS
Ryan Bertrand will miss England’s 2-0 friendly win against Portugal on Thursday evening with unspecified-twang but should be fit for the 0-0 draw with Russia in their Euro 2016 opener.
Wayne Rooney reckons the way Marcus Rashford took to coming into the Manchester United team and the way he’s performed from when he’s come in until the end of the season has been incredible really. “I think the way he took to coming into the Manchester United team and the way he’s performed from when he’s come in until the end of the season,” said the England captain, “has been incredible really.”
Karim Benzema says Didier Deschamps “has bowed to the pressure of a racist part of France” by leaving him out of the France squad for Euro 2016.
Aston Villa want to appoint Roberto Di Matteo as their new manager before the end of the week.
In Pope does his business in the woods news, Steve Evans has been told to do one by Nasty Leeds.
STILL WANT MORE?
Has anyone been named top scorer in four different top-flight leagues? The Knowledge has the answer.
Blackburn juniors club AHF is building bridges in the community. Proper Journalist David Conn pays a visit …
… while in the USA! USA!! USA!!! Les Carpenter takes a look at soccerball’s diversity problem.
Sea lions, tangerines and head tapping – the weird world of Euro 2016’s players.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace.
