To mark the Guardian’s bicentenary, we are running a competition for readers. We have selected six stories that have appeared over the past 200 years. There is a link between them, but just to make it a little spicier we will not be telling you what that link is.
Each of these six stories will be published on the Guardian website on successive Fridays, with the next four following on 14, 21 and 28 May, and on 4 June. On 11 June, we will publish the final piece along with the other five, alongside a form for entries. You must guess the date that each of the stories appeared. The first 10 randomly chosen readers who correctly identify the dates (or got closest to them) will receive prizes, including a ticket to a Guardian Masterclass of your choice, a ticket to a Guardian Live event of your choice, and merchandise packs of commemorative gifts to mark the 200th anniversary. All entries will need to be received by 2 July. The results and a list of winners will appear on 16 July. If more than 10 people get all six right, the winning names will be drawn from a hat (possibly metaphorical).
Here is the first story. File it away, make a note of your answer, and look for the next story next Friday. Good luck.
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Norway takes a pointless record
Nancy Banks-Smith
Britain won the Eurovision Song Contest with a song originally written to cheer up the Samaritans. Ireland, which has won four times in five years, was runner-up and relieved. Turkey, a 100-1 outsider, came third with a subliminal belly dance so good that even Greece voted for it.
Norway scored nil points for the fourth time; this is a world record. It was, said Terry Wogan, the kind of song during which you began to notice the set. As Harry Cohn, the Hollywood mogul, once told his set designer: “If they start noticing the fireplace, we’re fucked.” However, in the spirit of our song, We’re All Gonna Shine A light Together, let’s give everyone a prize. Here are the results of the Nancy jury:
• Best pigtail on a baldie: Italy
• Most boring costume colour: black. After two black hours, I would have voted for anything in pink knickers.
• Most gifted musician: the man playing a bunch of grapes for Greece.
• Best, indeed only, glimpse of knickerbockers on a conductor: Sweden.
• Jolliest fat lady by a long chalk: Russia.
• The Poirot award for the most Gallic moustache: France.
• The George Robey Chuckle Cup for a comic song: Denmark. The singer – who, judging by his trousers was a bit of a wag – was in love with directory enquiries.
• The Golden Backscratcher for favours given and received. Winners: Greece and Cyprus, who awarded each other 12 points. Runners-up: Russia and Slovenia.
• The Bunch of Bastards award for only giving us one point: Malta.
• The Miss Whiplash award for doing the splits while wearing black PVC corsets: Iceland. This blondes-in-boots erotic routine was the last song and we all thought we’d dropped off. “Are you sure”, said Wogan, “this isn’t Channel 4?” Curiously the song (“I Walked the Wide and Golden Road Blinded by Love”) gave no hint of the PVC corsets, and therefore qualifies for the Surely Something Lost in Translation award.
I was impressed to see that Jerry Hayes, so recently booted out of Harlow, had got himself another job as technical coordinator at RTE. An example to us all.
Germany’s singer was Bianca from EastEnders, and Bosnia-Herzegovina’s was Alma from Coronation Street. Look, if you want facts, read the football results. “Colin Berry! It’s his 81st birthday today!” lied Wogan as the veteran British spokesman appeared.
Wogan has been treating the Eurovision Song Contest like Dallas the Musical for 17 years. “A pleasing baritone. Cuts her own hair,” he said, introducing Russia’s diva, Alla Pugacheva. For Wogan, the Chris Who? award.
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