Comic Geoff Norcott reflects on baby daughter's heartbreaking death on her 7th birthday

Geoff Norcott has reflected on the death of his baby daughter on what would have been her seventh birthday.

The comedian and his wife's daughter, who they had named Connie, was stillborn in July 2014, and he was written about their tragic loss for the first time.

In an essay for Sands, the stillbirth and neonatal death charity, Geoff, 44, compared his grief to a "void" and shared that Connie's tiny clothes devastate him.

He also said the grief felt different during lockdown as everything else was different too.

Speaking about Connie's birthday, Geoff wrote: "As the date approached, I knew the signs that my mind was drifting back to that summer.

"The headaches, the brutal lack of self-esteem, all the while noticing that my wife is going through the same and more, given the additional burden of the physical trauma women experience in stillbirth.

"However, for all the familiarity, this year has also felt different. I suspect there are two reasons. One is that last year the pandemic was so new and all-consuming that grief was just another thing we weren’t having a normal experience of.

"It felt difficult to be sad and grieve in the normal way because nothing else was happening in the normal way."

Geoff said he tried to cope with his grief by imagining a small baby girl, but as Connie would have been older now, he has found this more difficult.

He continued: "For many years this remained stable as I would periodically sit with her things. The photos, trinkets and clothing that I suspect are a common source of comfort to many families who’ve lost a child in this way.

"It's surprising how powerful such objects can be.

"Before this experience, a bloke like me would never have imagined he could be reduced by the sight of a tiny dress or cardigan, but these are the accoutrements of having a daughter; the things I was subconsciously expecting and looking forward to.

"But Connie (that was the name we’d already given her) would have been seven this year.

The comedian and his wife's daughter, who they had named Connie, was stillborn in July 2014 (Publicity pic)

"I've held on to one version of her for so long, but I know that the parallel existence many grieving parents keep a subconscious eye on suggests a different version now.

"It's scary because I don't have as many reference points for that experience.

"I can guess what she'd have been like as a baby or even a very small child, but I don’t know what kind of girl she’d have been at this age."

He continued: "As grief goes, stillbirth can feel like a void. You have to put things into it rather than take from what was already there."

He also said the grief felt different during lockdown as everything else was different too (TIM ANDERSON)

Geoff said he was touched by a scene in The Crown in which former Prime Minister Winston Churchill is told that he keeps painting the same picture of a pond as a tribute to his late daughter.

He admitted he is sad that he will be grieving forever, but he will "love the memory of the daughter I never had until my dying day."

Geoff added: "Not every day, not all the time – god knows I have enough blessings in my life to distract me, not least the blessing of a wonderful son who illuminates every space he occupies - but when I do go to that place, if I want to do the feeling justice, I must be mindful that grief, like all things, also changes with time."

*If you have been affected by this story, advice and support can be found at Sands. You can call them on 0808 164 3332 or email helpline@sands.org.uk