As a veteran of the dubiously titled OrangAid benefit, I approached Mark Thomas's comedy benefit for the Campaign Against Arms Trade with some trepidation. Although the lineup looked impressive, I've often found that when comedians try to get serious they end up sounding as nauseatingly sanctimonious as the politicians they usually ridicule for a living.
A number of the performers at last night's gig, entitled A Seriously Funny Attempt to Get the Serious Fraud Office in the Dock, seemed acutely aware of this danger, and tried various ways of getting around it. Denial was a common strategy. Some tried to put as much distance between themselves and other so-called "worthy" events as possible. Jo Caulfield kicked off with: "Bono - what a fucking prick!" Others followed suit by laying into "that whore" Mother Teresa and Live8. "There are a lot of problems in the world, but it's OK because wristbands are sorting them out," Irish comic Ed Byrne assured us sagely.
A few played ignorant. "I don't even know what this event's about - I've just been press-ganged by that Mark Thomas. He's like the Jehovah's Witness of comedy," shrugged Iranian Omid Djalili. Russell Brand confessed that while he's supposed to be talking about the horrors of the arms trade, he's really thinking about his fabulous new boots. Many parodied liberal guilt. Simon Amstell confessed to panicking when faced by the choice of "organic" or "free trade" bananas in a supermarket. "What would the Guardian do?" he squeaked in terror.
Meanwhile others took a more direct stab at political issues. Self-confessed curmudgeon Robin Ince labelled Melanie Phillips a "septic tank in a human skin frame", and derided the Sun for their hysterical "Swan bake" story, which claimed that illegal immigrants were stealing the Queen's swans for barbeques. But many chose the simplest formula of all and just let the absurdity of real life do the work for them. War has evolved, Djalili observed. Whereas armies used to keep it simple and just shoot their enemy, now the Iraqis blow themselves up while allies shoot each other and call it "friendly fire".
The indefatigable Mark Thomas offered some wholly sensible political proposals, like having "none of the above" options on voting forms, as well as a comments section from which an MP would have to read out a selection at the beginning of each day in parliament. He also suggested that instead of MPs recording their doings in the obscure members' interests register, they should simply be made to sing the theme tune of whichever businesses they'd been lunching with. (Exhibit one: "Ba-ba-ba-baby-bel...")
The performances were generally of a very high quality last night, but I couldn't help noting a certain irony. While so many celebrities had turned out to support a noble campaign, several still thought nothing of ridiculing the less well-off in this country in the same breath. Jo Caulfield ranted about track-suited Argos shoppers ("chavs"), claiming they flocked to the superstore because its process of shopping was akin to filling out benefit forms and playing the lottery.
The star of the night was someone who made no reference to politics or class at all, and just stuck to doing what she does best: charming people into laughter. "Let me tell you something I love," said 25-year old self-dubbed "special needs child" Josie Long. "I love mistakes in spelling and punctuation." In the end, then, it was one of the youngest recruits to the comedy premier league who showed the seasoned professionals how it should be done: the tickets have been sold already, so be nice, go easy on the preaching and you've still raised £40,000 for a good cause.
