REPEAT OFFENDERS
Given Real Madrid won the first five Big Cup finals, and by an aggregate scoreline of 18-8 to boot, you have to hand it to Uefa for somehow managing to make their premier club tournament even more predictable in the modern era. At least back in the day, Real would play teams such as Reims, Fiorentina and Eintracht Frankfurt in the final, Vasas in the semis, and the likes of Servette, Royal Antwerp and Wiener Sport-Club along the way. Nowadays the same sides repeatedly face each other again and again. And again. In 2014, Real beat Atlético Madrid in the final. In 2015, Real beat Atlético in the quarter-final. Last year, Real beat Atlético in the final. This year, Real are going to beat Atlético in the semi-final, while the underdogs of the competition are a club representing a jurisdiction offering favourable tax breaks to oligarchs. Come back, Vasas! Wiener Sport-Club! Alfredo and Ferenc! All is forgiven.
But here we all are, and Atlético will be thoroughly sick of the sight of their city neighbours. Sergio Ramos denied them their first Big Cup in 2014, plagiarising Hans-Georg Schwarzenbeck’s famous 1974 routine with a last-minute equaliser that led to their subsequent collapse. Javier Hernández knocked them out of the following year’s quarters with a late header, while He sealed the deal last year in the final penalty shootout. But Madrid boss Zinedine Zidane insists all this history will have no influence on this season’s affair. “It’s a completely different tie!” he lied through the teeth clamped around the cigar he’s got on, surely knowing full well that some clubs simply have the sign over others. It’s just the way football is. How else would Dundee United’s wins-to-matches record against Barcelona best Real’s by a whopping 63.6%?
Real have some demons of their own to battle, of course. As they’re favourites to win La Liga, success in Big Cup may be beyond them if history is any guide. That’s because they’ve not been champions of Spain and Europe in the same year since 1958. Perhaps that’s why Zizou is happy to peddle guff such as “what happened in the past is in the past”, “we can’t rely on the past now”, and other stuff he’s learned by rote from the magnets on his fridge. His only real concern is the absence of Gareth Bale with calf-knack; Atlético, by contrast, could be missing Juanfran, Yannick Carrasco and José Giménez. The Fiver therefore predicts Real to knock Atlético out in devastatingly cruel circumstances, going on to lift their 12th Big Cup by beating Juventus, who’ll lose in the final for the 973rd time. More please, Uefa!
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“He is an unbelievable guy. It is difficult for me to imagine the end. I don’t know when that will be. I can say only he inspired me, the way I manage, the way I behave in life as well. I am sad to read the criticism of him and the bad words, because he committed the last 20 years to the club he loves so much” – Rémi Garde talks all things Arsène Wenger, Aston Villa and the latest golden French generation, in this chat with Amy Lawrence.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
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RECOMMENDED LOOKING
It’s your boy, David Squires, on the cancellation of St Totteringham’s Day, starring Chris Armstrong, Gary Doherty and Christian Gross’s zone 1-4 travelcard.
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FIVER LETTERS
“On a recent diving trip, during a relatively average dive, my bored mind drifted off to various thoughts and for some reason landed on football. Initially, how much fun it would be if Manchester United did not qualify for Big Cup. Then I started thinking who I would want to finish fourth if United did win Big Vase. Arsenal, of course. Then I was wondering what if Lyon win Big Vase and Monaco win Big Cup – would only the league champions of Ligue 1 qualify for Big Cup? That got me thinking how amazing a tournament would be that you had to actually win something to qualify for it. It could be a knockout cup, with only the crème de la crème of European sides. Call it the European Cup, I was thinking. Then I saw an octopus and haven’t really given it much thought since” – Graham Haslam [no idea about Ligue 1, but there’s this – Fiver Ed].
“Definitely like Joe M’s letter suggesting production of a ‘1,057 Pedants’ T-shirt (Friday’s Fiver letters). But be aware that I’ll buy one if, and only if, you have exactly 1,057 made up, and when they’re gone they’re gone. Otherwise what’s the point? My teeth grind every time I am reminded that the ‘1,057 Pedants’ FPL league has 1,317 teams in it. Offends my pedantic sensibilities, you might say” – Ben Jones.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Ben Jones.
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BITS AND BOBS
The Leyton Orient Fans’ Trust (Loft) has written to the Football League, asking it to sort itself out and reconsider the decision to back Blackpool’s suspension of ticket sales for away supporters at the relegated Os’ season-ender at Bloomfield Road.
Jürgen Klopp has warned the Emre Can All-Star Entertainers that a place in the top four isn’t guaranteed despite their 1-0 win at Watford, plus the general shambling of those teams placed from fourth to seventh. “We need to stay focused, to stay concentrated,” he tooted. “We have pressure until the end of the season but at least it’s a positive pressure.”
Luke Shaw could miss the start of next season because of foot-knack sustained in Manchester United’s 1-1 draw against Swansea. “Luke Shaw’s must be a big [knack] because to leave the pitch after 10 minutes I am expecting a very big [knack],” parped José Mourinho afterwards.
Spurs forward Harry Kane is looking forward to reducing Chelsea’s Premier League lead to a point when they beat West Ham on Friday. “It is good to try to play first and try to put that pressure on,” he enthused.
John Ruddy and Sébastien Bassong are among seven Norwich players being shown the door marked Do One at Carrow Road.
And Euro 2024 hosting candidates Germany and Turkey have been told they must meet specific criteria for human and labour rights and anti-corruption measures for their bids to be considered. “It was imperative for us to introduce specific articles on the respect and protection of human rights in the bidding requirements for all of our competitions,” honked Uefa chief suit Aleksander Ceferin. Not sure how specific they are if Baku got in for Euro 2020, mind.
STILL WANT MORE?
Rebecca Lowe has been doing her bit to help popularise her country’s domestic game in the USA! USA!! USA!!! since moving to work for NBC. Dave Caldwell meets her.
One-man footballing search engine Jonathan Wilson tells us all about Juve’s Paulo Dybala, his Polish and Italian roots, and his thrilling creative talents.
Gabi insists Atlético have the confidence and desire to finally end their jinx against Real. Ha! Read Sid Lowe’s big semi-final preview. And this piece on Saúl Ñíguez.
As documentary Forbidden Games casts light on Justin Fashanu’s tragic story, his brother tells Daniel Harris about their troubled relationship. You won’t be surprised to learn that John doesn’t come across tremendously well.
Barney Ronay on the ascent of Spurs.
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