A popular film song once featured the singer bemoaning that he was "lookin' for love in all the wrong places."
Texan singer Johnny Lee has plenty of company in Miami judging by the colorful commentary on a recent Reddit post that asked, "How tough is the dating scene in Miami-Dade County?"
"Car, job, or own place to live. Pick two of three," opined one person, citing the formula for getting lucky in the 305.
LOOKS AND MONEY
You gotta have the Benjamins (for those that don't know, that's a 100 dollar bill). Being hot _ male and female _ helps. And smarts, well, depends on what you are lookin' for.
"Want to see what women have to deal with in the dating scene? Download any dating app, set your preference to males and swipe for five minutes. It's a s--t show," complained one poster. "Fiance tried Tinder/Bumble and immediately gave up on even the idea of dating in Miami. I'm not sure if all the steroids just cause men's brains to shrink, or if the heat causes terminal stupidity, or what, but the pool of available guys in Miami is grim."
And men, it's not just you.
"Unfortunately, most of the women are on the same level _ too much makeup, too much gym, not enough brains. Although if you go by Bumble and Tinder profiles, every single woman in Miami is either a lawyer, doctor, or director somewhere. Which, based on my experience and the city demographics, is laughable bulls--t."
Someone who has the tantalizing screen name SpicyLangosta pretty much sums up the Miami requirement for making a love connection _ or just making love:
"It's not a be-all, end-all to be broke, ugly, or unfashionable, though it is a common focus down here. At the end of the day, you gotta have something to offer."
Another acknowledged that while "wealth is obviously appreciated," some think you may just be fronting.
"Since the job prospects for the average Miamian are pretty grim, a wealthy date is seen as being the quickest and surest entrance to a higher quality life. However, because of the shortage of real wealth and the over-the-top showy culture, a lot of people either don't recognize signs of wealth or brush it off as fronting," The Lamou said, noting that looks still are a high priority.
A TROPICAL HEAT WAVE
"This is also a tropical location with very liberal standards on acceptable dress, so you see hundreds of hot bodies every day, which tends to skew your perception of what a 'normal' person looks like. I've found some amazingly brilliant, beautiful, clever, interesting, motivated women in Miami. (And have known plenty of guys that fit those qualities _ though not being into men I can't comment on what dating them is like). They're out there _ just rarer than in places like NYC and DC."
At least be grateful you're not in "second cities" like Chicago, Houston, and Portland because that's where The Lamou spotted the most gold-diggers. The theory? There's "enough casual wealth" in those cities "that it's immediately recognizable."
And adjust your expectations and figure out what it is you want.
Casual sex? You're probably in luck.
"Try going to touristy places. There (are) always horny tourists looking for a meaningless adventure," said one Reddit user.
"Do you have zero standards? There are gold-diggers who would not even bat an eye on you unless you have at least an apartment on Brickell and drive a $60k+ car. But as everywhere, there are great women who are smart, mature and independent. Those are rarer and you will find them where you least expect it."
SUCCESS STORIES
Of course, not everyone on the Reddit post is cynical or jaded.
"I know this white dude that SLAYS and he is not even that good-looking or rich," read one post "He is not Latino, but he does speak Spanish. I think it depends on what you want and if your expectations are realistic. I think that applies anywhere really."
"I'm a gringo with an antojo (craving) for the Latinas and generally do pretty well in the dating scene," one boasts. "My advice would be to put in actual effort, be genuine with your intentions and don't be a scumbag."
STOP MAKING EXCUSES
And then there's this Reddit user who has no patience with those Reddit users.
"Most users on Reddit are lazy, out of shape, entitled, and have repulsive personalities. So they tend to have a more malcontent tone, not just on dating, but virtually all of their life problems to which they attribute to being geolocated in Miami."
Well, then!
