Late-night hosts on Wednesday discussed the announcement that Anthony Kennedy will be retiring from the supreme court and the major upset out of New York in the congressional Democratic primary.
Stephen Colbert
“If you’re on a low-carb diet you’re in luck, cuz there ain’t no way to sugarcoat this,” Stephen Colbert began. “Today, Justice Anthony Kennedy announced he’s retiring from the supreme court.”
“I never thought I’d say this,” Colbert continued, “but you’re only 81!
“And don’t tell me your mind’s going because I read Bush v Gore and Citizen’s United – you never had one!” the host said. “This is a seismic political event because Kennedy has been the decisive vote in many cases and his retirement gives Trump the opportunity to fundamentally change the course of the supreme court.”
The host then explained that Kennedy was often a crucial swing vote on a bench evenly split between liberal and conservative justices. “Think about it,” he said. “The court that just this week crippled unions, upheld Trump’s Muslim ban, and race-based gerrymandering might turn conservative.”
On reports that the White House will seek to nominate and confirm Kennedy’s replacement before the November midterms, Colbert said: “Of course before the midterms, just like you want to eat all the weed before the cop walks up to the driver’s side window.
“You may recall that the Republicans got their 5-4 majority on the court because Mitch McConnell refused to let the Senate vote on Obama’s nominee, Merrick Garland,” he explained. “That upset a lot of people, but Mitch McConnell is willing to take the high road and forget he ever did it.”
Colbert then cut to remarks made yesterday by McConnell, who said it was “imperative that the president’s nominee be considered fairly”.
“Oh really?” the host replied. “That’s like Typhoid Mary saying, ‘Read the sign, guys. All employees must wash hands.’”
Trevor Noah
Comedy Central’s Trevor Noah weighed in on Tuesday’s primary results.
“Yesterday was another big midterm primary day in seven states, with the biggest result happening right here in New York,” he said, referring to the 28-year-old newcomer Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who beat the 10-term incumbent Joe Crowley, widely considered the consensus pick to be the next speaker of the House should the Democrats gain control.
Showing video of an ecstatic Ocasio-Cortez reacting to her win, Noah continued: “Look at that reaction, it’s exciting. I know it’s been a tough year for everyone so in case you forgot, that face means happy.”
After Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s win, progressives were like, “Maybe the future isn’t as bad as it seems.” After the Anthony Kennedy news, the future was like, “Oh, you don’t know me.”
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) June 28, 2018
Full episode: https://t.co/n6KGl8Ywxx pic.twitter.com/jGjoV5IKSh
“Some people might wonder why does anybody care about a congressional primary race in Queens. First, look at who she beat,” Noah said, joking that Democrats saw the 56-year-old Crowley as a “young leader of the next generation”.
“Powerful incumbents like this almost never lose primaries,” Noah said, “but it gets more surprising when you learn more about the person who beat him”.
Ocasio-Cortez, the host explained, is a member of the Democratic Socialists of America who was working as a bartender just months ago. “She ran on a heavily progressive platform that was really popular,” Noah said. “Free healthcare, free college education, a federal jobs guarantee, and she wants to abolish Ice. She’s so left she makes Bernie Sanders look like Mitt Romney.”
Seth Meyers
The NBC Late Night host also did a rapid-fire look at Wednesday’s news, beginning with the highest court in the land.
“Supreme court justice Anthony Kennedy announced he is retiring today,” Meyers said. “You know what that means? said Trump, who was really asking.”
Meyers went on: “Justice Kennedy, what are you doing retiring, man? You have a great job where you barely work, you get to wear a robe all day and give your opinions on stuff. That basically is retirement. Stick around, at least until we get a new president.”
The host then briefly discussed Ocasio-Cortez’s victory, which has been seen as a harbinger of the Democratic party’s move leftward ahead of November’s midterms.
“Twenty-eight-year-old first-time candidate Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez beat 10-term representative Joe Crowley in last night’s New York Democratic primary,” Meyers said. “And I gotta say, Nancy Pelosi looked very surprised, two years ago.
“Mitt Romney won last night’s Utah Republican Senate primary,” he added. “Romney celebrated by going to a victory party and turning the music down.”
