ADDICKS FAMILY VALUES
Charlton Athletic, bless 'em. Such a nice club, such a wholesome club, the kind of club you'd want your daughter to marry, and not the kind who think family values relate to how much could you get for your gran on eBay. But if the love of money is indeed the root of all evil, as St Paul tells us, then even Charlton have become smitten, because today chairman Richard Murray and chief exec Peter Varney called for the introduction of Premiership Two. No, relax, not a low-budget spin-off of ITV's low-budget highlights programme, just a second tier of the Premiership.
They've sent a copy of the report (their mums only helped with the colouring in, apparently) to the other 19 top-flight clubs recommending they set up two divisions of 20 in order to spread the wealth more evenly. But to save them all having to read it, he summed up the main argument thus: "For the game to flourish - it must have a competitive structure so as many teams as possible are able to challenge for honours. If it does not, the success of the few may well lead to the failure of the many." In other words, it's not fair and he wants to change the rules so that he can win or he's going home.
Then again, maybe he just wants to survive. "Many clubs are taking on unprecedented levels of debt," said Varney. "Clubs are mortgaging their futures in pursuit of instant success and yet the number who can be successful remains relatively small." So why the sudden concern, Pete? "Clubs now relegated from the Premiership not only face real financial hardship but a threat to their very existence." Doesn't sound like he's got much faith in poor old Curbs, does it?
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IT ONLY TAKES A MINUTE, GRRR
It may well have been the swing that shamed soccer, but Roy Keane is still at large today. Shamelessly using his right hand to open doors, pet small dogs and shove raw meat into his mouth, it is believed that Keane will keep on using the appendage, which was single-handedly responsible (you see?) for his dismissal against Newcastle on Saturday, for some time to come. Meanwhile, the victim of this sorry episode, the respectable Mr Alan Shearer, is thought to be cooped up in his creosote shed, fearful of leaving in case someone spots him sporting a gleeful grin.
Nikos Dabizas, the respected anthropologist and occasionally good Newcastle defender, today took stock of the episode. "It is bad behaviour when you lose your mind," he observed, specifically citing Keane as someone who had put his brain down for a second and then forgot where he'd left it. "Some players do that all of the time but we cannot take them away because they are great players," he rambled on. "But sometimes they have a bad attitude when they cannot control themselves and go out of their minds."
Interesting observation (if you could work out what it meant), but there's nothing quite like a victory over Keane and co to get Geordies chirruping. Robby Bobson looks years younger (about 75), the Intertoto defeat against Troyes'R'Us is forgotten and, heck, even Kieron Dyer seems happy. Denying that he ever wanted to leave the club, Dyer has told the Newcastle Evening Chronicle: "All I did was go and see the chairman Freddie Shepherd to find out where the club was going. He assured me that there were some good signings in the pipeline and he has proved true to his word." Wowzers. When asked for comment, Laurent Blanc was flat on his arse.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
"I like a woman with bollocks" - Philip Cocu takes equality that one step further.
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M25 OR WEMBLEY WAY?
Let's face it: who wants the new Wembley to be built anywhere near Wembley? Nobody, that's who. (Apart from Ken Livingstone, that is, and the bloke who owns the North Circular Chip Emporium, the best one-stop shop for all your cod and hake needs in the whole of Brent.) Which may explain why Ipswich chairman David Sheepshanks, an original member of the Wembley Stadium Board, reckons the FA's new super stadium should not be rebuilt on its original site.
"I am of the firm view that we do need a national stadium for major footballing events. It is the national game and commands massive public support," he announced, in that tone of voice which always precedes the word "but". "Nevertheless," he wrongfooted us, "despite opportunities for non-match day use, it is still principally only of use on a very limited number of occasions and therefore the cost must be proportionate. Personally, I cannot support a cost of the order of a £650m-type scheme and therefore believe that if there is to be a rethink, then it has to go back to the very beginning and the question of location."
So where would he bung up the new venue of legends? Bagshot? Basingstoke? Bell End? (That's a small village near Kidderminster, by the way.) "My preference would be to see a new site identified close to a good motorway or road network, perhaps near the M25," mused Sheepshanks, who given his use of the words "good" and "M25" has clearly never tried to get from Dartford to Guildford on a Friday afternoon. "If such a venue is not possible I would support the Birmingham NEC scheme. As well as being easily accessible from all parts of the country, architects have already drawn up a plan to deliver a world-class stadium comprising 85,000 seats for a total cost of £324m." Well, you've sold us on that. Which probably means it has no chance.
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THE RUMOUR MILL
Southampton are after Brann's Norwegian international striker Thorstein Helstad.
Meanwhile Dan Petrescu is fed up of being a Saints sub and wants out of the Dell. "For me football is a drug," he mused.
Lazio want Robbie Fowler to help out the misfiring Hernan Crespo.
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NEWS IN BRIEF
Bolton Wanderers have signed former Rangers striker Rod Wallace on a contract until the end of the season. The 31-year-old completed the usual medical checks earlier today. Sam Allardyce said: "Rod will be a great addition to the Wanderers squad. He is a strong, experienced player who will further strengthen the team."
Neil Harris will make his comeback for Millwall against Barnsley on Tuesday following his fight against testicular cancer. The 24-year-old striker will return three months ahead of schedule following radiotherapy treatment.
Celtic will be without Lubo Moravcik for their Big Cup match with Juventus tomorrow night. "Lubo's not coming with us which is really unfortunate," said Martin O'Neill. "He hobbled off on Saturday and it didn't seem to be too bad, but there was a lot of swelling overnight and yesterday morning he was struggling. "There was no point taking him if he wasn't going to be there, because of all the travelling and waiting around."
FA chairman Geoff Thompson has been blowing the organisations trumpet today, claiming that the governing body has "made more progress in the past 12 months than in the previous five years". Sounding like a New Labour bloke, Thompson said: "We have got a new structure in place, we've got a good England manager who has brought success and stability, and we are all enjoying a period when the country is behind the England team. But while we are in a far better position than we have been in the past, there is still much to be done."
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TONIGHT'S TV AND RADIO
ITV1: The Football Zone - The Premiership (11.40pm)
Anthony Szynkaruk has forwarded a thought for the day from his friend Damon Threadgold. (It's the details that matter.) It goes thus:
The Football Zone - Big Cup Weekly (12.40pm)
"If Robbie Savage was felled in a wood..."
The Football Zone - Football Extra (1.05am)
"...where no referee could hear or see him..."
Channel 5: Major League Soccer (4.15am)
"...would someone still get sent off for it?"
Sky Sports 1: Live Monday Night Football - Leicester City v Middlesbrough (7pm)
It's certainly one to ponder.
You're on Sky Sports! (10.30pm)
If you have any similar thoughts which you'd like to share, you know what to do. Email them into the.boss@guardian.co.uk
Beach Soccer (11.30pm)
Try and make them a bit longer than Damon's...
Radio 5 Live: Leicester City v Middlesbrough (7pm)
...so that it's not so obvious that we're trying to stretch them out through the whole of the TV and Radio section.
