The NBA season is over. But LeBron-bashing season is in full swing.
James won two games in the NBA finals with a supporting cast of Matthew Dellavedova and discarded New York Knicks. That is remarkable.
He did this:
LeBron James Leads Both Teams - NBA Finals PPG 35.8 APG 8.8 RPG 13.3 >>1st to lead in all categories in Finals history
— ESPN Stats & Info (@ESPNStatsInfo) June 17, 2015
While his team-mates did this:
Without LeBron James on the floor this series. JR Smith 0/9 FG Delly 0/7 FG J. Jones 0/3 FG Shumpert 0/2 FG Total 0/21 FG
— Tom Haberstroh (@tomhaberstroh) June 17, 2015
There are zero grounds to criticize James. But that hasn’t stopped people from doing so. The list is the usual: LeBron is only 2-4 in the finals. He’s a loser. He’s overrated. He’s not Jordan. If he was so great, he’d be able to win titles without any good players on his team.
We all just saw LeBron put up one of the greatest NBA finals performances in history, and still he can’t get a break. (In fairness, if he gets a break, nothing good will happen. Refer to those shooting stats above.)
All the LeBron critics see is that he didn’t win a third ring, therefore: he is bad. It’s stupid. But if they want to lazily rip LeBron James for his basketball “failings,” they don’t have to be so … lazy about it. With a little effort, there are many other things we can pin on LeBron. It’s easy if you try.
The unchecked corruption and scandal under Sepp Blatter’s Fifa? That can easily be blamed on LeBron by anyone willing to connect a few dots. Remember all of the awful articles last summer about how the US World Cup team would be better if star American athletes like LeBron had made soccer their sport of choice? Those articles were so awful because they didn’t go far enough. A soccer-playing LeBron would have done much more than just make US soccer relevant internationally. He would have saved Fifa.
It’s true (if you want it to be!) Imagine LeBron emerging as a soccer prodigy in 2002 with his “The Chosen One” cover on Sports Illustrated, only with a soccer ball instead of a basketball.
Unlike Freddy Adu, LeBron would have then developed into a player on the level of Messi and Ronaldo … only bigger and stronger. With a true international soccer superstar playing in America, the entire balance of power in Fifa would have shifted. The United States could not have been denied a World Cup hosting spot, Blatter’s influence would have been weakened to the point of him being ousted as president, and countless Fifa-related crimes never would have occurred. Instead of international soccer corruption, the US Justice Department and Swiss authorities could focus their efforts on more serious issues. The world would be better, safer and more just. But LeBron James made the decision to play basketball instead of soccer. So all that’s on him.
If only LeBron’s negative impact ended with basketball and soccer. Unfortunately, his proclivity for total failure cuts a much wider swath. Literally. America’s obesity problem? Blame it on LeBron James. During his career, LeBron has endorsed McDonald’s – home of the 1,120-calorie Big Mac Meal. He has also pushed Sprite (140 calories per can) and Gatorade, a calorie-packed sports drink that is simply irresponsible to drink when good, old zero-calorie water is available. Imagine America’s waistline if LeBron cared enough about America’s health to endorse kale chips. But he doesn’t. So the rise of heart disease and type II diabetes continues on with no sign of ending – just like LeBron’s NBA finals losing streak.
The wealth gap? LeBron will make $21.5m next season (and much more through his death-causing endorsements) to play basketball. Meanwhile, teachers and firefighters try to scrape by on $30,000. If LeBron came out and said he wanted to be paid five figures instead of eight to bring attention to the issue, it could make a real difference in America. But that’s not going to happen. LeBron is firmly and happily the 1%, both in income and in likelihood of winning another ring.
Global warming also has continued on unchecked during the reign of King James. Check the numbers: global temperatures and sea levels have risen steadily since James entered the NBA. Coincidence? How many times has LeBron flown across the country and around the world for games, commercial shoots and business meetings during his 12-year career? The amount of jet fuel he’s burned into the atmosphere is mind-boggling. And isn’t it so convenient for him to be able to move from low-lying, coastal Miami back to Cleveland so he can ignore the coming destruction caused by his own hand? He left Miami because he’s an environmental coward. You can say this about LeBron: he’s better than Michael Jordan at destroying Earth.
As LeBron strangles Mother Nature, he also is causing our children to not respect their mothers and fathers. Ask any old person. When they’re not putting up hate-filled, facts-averse posts on social media about the president, they’ll tell you that kids today have no respect for authority. And who is the young generation’s disrespect role model? I say it could be LeBron James. Watch the man play one game of basketball. (Next year. You can’t watch anymore this year because he’s a loser.) You’ll see him complain to the referees. You’ll see him call plays and overrule his head coach. You’ll see that LeBron James has no respect for anyone in authority. Try to tell me that isn’t the single biggest cause of the issues in America today. I won’t listen.
Do you have relationship problems? That’s on LeBron. His lack of loyalty, jumping from Cleveland to Miami and back to Cleveland, has left people with a sense of unease, and a desire to seek something better instead of being happy and settling. Could you say that LeBron James is the leading cause of all divorces? I can, and I just have.
Do you have body issues? It’s not surprising, considering LeBron James, despite his fame and wealth, can’t even embrace the fact that he is balding. If he can’t be completely happy with his appearance, what chance do the rest of us have?
Is your sex life in shambles? Do things start out well for you, but inevitably finish terribly and quickly. Rings a bell, doesn’t it? That’s the exact pattern of almost every LeBron James season.
And, finally – and this is perhaps LeBron’s worst sin of all – he is to blame for the annoying, sports media pundit. These people write nothing but negative articles, attacking people they’ve never met with far-fetched, irresponsible claims. They are the worst of the worst. Despicable. They take the joy out of sport. They are people you’d want to punch if you ever met them. Almost every day, they write and say absurd things about LeBron James.
If it wasn’t for LeBron James, they couldn’t do that. That’s just a fact. Maybe – maybe – the other things in this article aren’t true, but even LeBron James can’t deny this article wouldn’t exist without LeBron James. That’s on him. Thanks a lot, LeBron.
