In his latest photo, released on Monday, Cliff Richard strolls along a beach in a pair of sodden shorts, as fresh and fragrant as a new season plum. At 69, his 30in waist is apparently a result of three games of tennis a week, two glasses of red wine a day, and a dairy- and wheat-free diet. While he's "not against a nip and a tuck in the future" he says – who doesn't fancy a little pick-me-up for their 90th birthday? – there certainly hasn't been any need so far.
The image is from Sir Cliff's 2011 calendar, which, like all his others, is expected to be an enormous seller for the calendar company, Danilo; he has shifted 1.5m to date, making him the company's highest-selling star. (Kylie Minogue tops the list of female stars.) If you find the A3 calendar too ostentatious, there is always the slimline version, or the Cliff diary, or how about the Cliff rose sold on Amazon and "perfect for fans of the godly legend". (Yep, his fans aren't especially wedded to understatement.)
Want to remember his 1988 Christmas classic, Mistletoe and Wine? There's a pendant immortalising the song in silver and amethyst. Missing Miss You Nights? There's either the scented candle – Christopher Biggins's choice – or the fragrance of which Eamonn Holmes once said "if you can't get close to Cliff, this is the next best thing". There are collectable teddy bears and decorative plates, including one that shows him topless again, toasting us with a big, red cocktail. On Amazon there are coasters, teabag tidies, toast racks and egg cups. You can even treat yourself to a bottle of wine from the great man's own vineyard.
It's time to accept the truth. This is Cliff's world – the rest of us just live in it.
