The new film version of Cinderella opens this week, bringing with it a flurry of body-image controversy. Lily James (from TV’s Downton Abbey) plays the glass-slippered heroine herself, and in that corseted aquamarine gown her waist is of such absurdly Barbie-esque proportions that it does look as if the Fairy Godmother has somehow magicked away all of her vital organs. There has been talk of impossible standards and unreasonable expectations, although in a movie about creating golden coaches from pumpkins this is perhaps beside the point. And it’s not clear to me that a PC ban on princessy stereotypes would help anyone’s self-esteem. The director, Kenneth Branagh, has denied reducing James’s waist using digital trickery, and I believe him.
But at the risk now of muddling the issue and introducing a note of shrill male self-pity … how about men’s self-image? Sean Penn is currently appearing on screen in the action-thriller The Gunman with an outrageous set of abs. And in TV’s Poldark, semi-clothed Aidan Turner is wowing one and all with his six-pack. The dishonesty here is that Sean Penn and Aidan Turner are never shown on screen doing the 750 daily crunches needed to get a stomach like that; Poldark never stops what he’s doing to say: “Sorry, everyone! I can’t work in the cornfield right now. I’ve got to spend the next four hours in the gym doing sit-ups with a personal trainer screaming the word BELIEVE! in my face.”
As it happens, I myself am trying to do daily sit-ups. I can get to about 24 before I collapse, making a thin, whining sound like a mosquito having a hernia. The imagery of maleness in cinema is oppressive.
So much space, so little time
This is exciting. Do you realise there’s just 10 years to go before we colonise Mars? According to the privately funded Dutch-based Mars One space project, there will be a human settlement on the red planet by 2025. In 2025, the answer to David Bowie’s famous question will be a resounding yes! Some, including one of the project’s own astronauts, have unsportingly suggested that this timetable is unrealistic. Huh?
The distance from Earth to Mars is a mere 144,965,621 miles. So if the rocket ship travels at a lively 200mph, the journey will take about 82 years. But if they get a move on, crank the speed up to 1,600mph, and keep their foot down all the way, this brings the time down to about 10 years. (I know all about this because I’ve seen loads of realistic sci-fi films.) They’ll have to blast off quickly, though. And if the Mars One team finally conclude it’s not going to work … well, why don’t they just set to work getting Concorde back up and running? London to New York in three and a half hours. Wow! I know. Very sci-fi.
Nike’s killer Adverts
Fitness enthusiasts the world over have been dismayed to hear the truth behind the famous Nike slogan, “Just do it”. It was invented by the ad executive Dan Wieden, who has announced that he was inspired by the last words of the American convicted killer Gary Gilmore, who was executed in 1977. With a badass swagger, Gilmore said to the firing squad: “Let’s do this!”
I would like to see TV ads showing joggers in Nike gear seeing the world with improved dynamism and optimism to the backing of the Adverts’ punk classic Gary Gilmore’s Eyes, inspired by the fact that Gilmore arranged for his corneas to be donated, and there are now, presumably, people who are looking through Gary Gilmore’s eyes. But it seems his legacy was about more than his eyes. I can’t help thinking that maybe Wieden should have kept quiet about all this.
@PeterBradshaw1
