We're about to be a nation of born-again virgins, that’s if we follow Dr Tony Holohan’s advice and take a vow of chastity.
As if singletons weren’t already sexually frustrated after going without some action for weeks on end, now the country’s top doctor wants us to refrain from intimacy until the virus goes away.
Which could take years.
Even couples who live apart have been told they need to keep their hands to themselves once they reunite when restrictions on travel allow them to do so.
Holohan’s advice is that we should stick to one sexual partner in a bid to avoid catching Covid-19 as well as STDs.
It’s a big no to one night stands and hook ups.
Holohan said it was “good public health advice” to have a sex buddy - like the Dutch have been told.
But what does he expect those who are single to do who may not already have a sex buddy at this time?
He said there is plenty of information out there on how people can “manage their relationships and themselves” in this challenging time.
So invest in some sex toys if you haven’t them to hand already and get your pleasure elsewhere.
Or hook up with a housemate if you know they don’t have Covid-19. It’s the safest option so they say.
Sure what could possibly go wrong?
A bit of tough love from Tony and I’m afraid it’s a bit too much of an ask.
Especially given singles across the country are desperate for some nookie after watching the saucy scenes in Normal People.
Paul Mescal’s moves would set a nun’s heart racing, never mind the ordinary horny folk.
Surely people will be careful and think twice about who they sleep with in this current crisis but asking singles to abstain completely just won’t happen.
Other experts have said if people are having sex they should wear a mask.
Talk about a turn-off.
The HSE have also advised against shifting, dashing the dreams of those who are hoping to find a lover once Coppers reopen their doors.
And to fight the urge we should consider using chat rooms and sext.
Masturabtion is fine, phew.
But be sure to wash your hands and keyboards.
The dating apps have been on fire with people swiping all day and night desperate for a quickie.
Goodluck trying to stop them.
I understand why Holohan would issue such advice in a bid to curtail the spread of the virus but going forward that’s a risk an individual would have to take.
Sure we’ve all chatted about how we’re up the walls from being locked into our homes and our mental well-being has been shattered.
So a good game of tennis under the sheets would cheer anyone up.
Not to mention it’s a great exercise and incredibly important to keep the heart pumping.
We all could do with a pep in our step right now but be cautious about it and who, of course.
In the words of Madonna we’ve all been through the wilderness and excitement is building at the thoughts of being touched for the first time again.
