REDS FACE BLUE CHRISTMAS
The Fiver would like to congratulate Chelsea and Manchester United for reaching the final of Big Cup, which must be what’s just happened if all the incessant simpering over swatting aside 2014’s Atlético Madrid and CSKA Basingstoke is anything to go by. We’ll double check all that, and get back to you tomorrow. But either way, it’s also been a good week of results on the continent for Tottenham Hotspur, and Manchester City, and the Queen’s Celtic, and … oh Jürgen! Oh Loris! Oh Daniel! How could you!
Sadly, the bad news for Liverpool just keeps on coming, a wave of misery and despair combined with an overwhelming sense of futility, like a break upfield orchestrated by Emre Can. Because Christmas has been totally ruined! Bah! The festive period already wasn’t something Liverpudlian folk were particularly looking forward to, on account of the transfer window reopening midway through it, and if you got tired of Philippe Coutinho and Virgil van Dijk during the summer then best get stocked up on diazepam. But now Sky Sports have proposed moving Liverpool’s visit to Arsenal, slated for Saturday 23 December, to Christmas Eve. And in one fell swoop, bang goes Jürgen’s plans of cutting himself a nice thick slice of stollen, putting his feet up in front of It’s A Wonderful Life, and getting slowly insensible on glühwein.
Liverpool supporters’ union Spirit of Shankly aren’t particularly enamoured with the plans either. “It is completely unacceptable to expect fans to travel for a match at this time,” they say. “The suggestion of such a change again shows zero regard for supporters.” Their funk is understandable, because depending on the time of kick-off – which will almost certainly be selected to cause match-goers maximum irritation and inconvenience – the away support might not get back to Merseyside until the early hours of Christmas Day. By which time all the stollen is gone, Clarence has earned his wings, and everyone is insensible on glühwein and diazepam. The one small mercy for Liverpool fans? That at least the bods at Sky aren’t forcing any games to be played on Christmas Day for the first time in the top flight since Blackpool beat Blackeye Rovers 4-2 in 1965. Although we shouldn’t mention that too loudly, we’ll be giving them ideas.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“The performance of our team since the start of the season did not meet the expectations we put to them. The game in Paris clearly showed we had to draw consequences” – less than 24 hours after the German champions’ 3-0 Big Cup gubbing at PSG, Bayern Munich chief suit Karl-Heinz Rumennigge sends Carlo Ancelotti and his raised eyebrow skittering down the Werner-Heisenberg-Allee.
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FIVER LETTERS
“I just thought I’d draw attention to Owls fan Ian Toothill’s mighty achievement and – especially given the recent 4-2 thumping of Wednesday by the Blades – his selfless gesture. Given his recent update, I hope that some folk out there might be inclined to help Ian realise his goal. Football. It’s not just for Christmas, it’s for life” – Kevin McKee.
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Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Kevin McKee.
BITS AND BOBS
Gareth Southgate’s England squad for the qualifiers against Slovenia and Lithuania is out, and there’s plenty to get excited about if your name is Fabian Delph. Dele Alli is included despite a potential ban for flippin’ the bird. Full squad: Butland (Stoke), Forster (Southampton), Hart (Taxpayers FC), Pickford (Everton); Bertrand (Southampton), Cahill (Chelsea), Cresswell (Taxpayers FC), Jones (Manchester United), Keane (Everton), Maguire (Leicester), Stones (Manchester City), Smalling (Manchester United), Trippier (Tottenham), Walker (Manchester City); Alli (Tottenham), Delph (Manchester City), Dier (Tottenham), Henderson (Liverpool), Lingard (Manchester United), Livermore (West Brom), Morris Dancing Fiver (Fiver Towers), Oxlade-Chamberlain (Liverpool), Sterling (Manchester City); Defoe (Bournemouth), Kane (Tottenham), Rashford (Manchester United), Sturridge (Liverpool).
Sheffield United’s former England Under-21 international David Brooks has been called into the senior Wales squad. “I’m sure that will cause one or two ripples on the other side of the Bridge,” honked Chris Coleman.
Manchester City Women have signed Denmark international Nadia Nadim from NWSL side Portland Thorns. Nadim, who arrived in Europe as a refugee after her family fled Afghanistan, scored two goals for the surprise finalists at Euro 2017.
Arsène Wenger wants to see if Reiss Nelson and Ainsley Maitland-Niles can do it on a cold Thursday night in Belarus, with both youngsters set to start alongside Jack Wilshere against Bate Borisov.
Antonio Conte is feeling funky that Chelsea’s crunch game against Manchester City was not moved to Sunday, allowing his players an extra day of rest. “Honestly, in this case we are a bit penalised,” bellowed the Italian of a fixture that has been in the book for the past 106 days.
Ronald Koeman expects his Everton side to see off Apollon Limassol despite the absence of Oumar Niasse, who was not included in the Dutchman’s Big Vase squad. “I can’t change the decision now so there is no point regretting it,” he muttered, not entirely convincingly.
Neymar reckons fellow PSG hotshot Kylian Mbappé can rival him for the Ballon d’Or in future, and hit out at hacks over his reported beef with Edinson Cavani. “They try to get into our locker room and end up talking too much,” he sobbed.
And Owen Coyle’s proclivity for wearing shorts on the bench will be put to the test by a Highland winter after being handed the reins at Ross County.
THE RECAP
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STILL WANT MORE?
In another excellent edition of his weekly column, Liam Rosenior explains why he’s fully behind NFL players taking a knee.
Just call his name, he’ll hear you scream – Kevin De Bruyne is Manchester City’s master of puppets, reckons Jonathan Wilson.
In today’s Mill: Mr Roy casts his eye over free agent Carlton Cole … even though Cole’s last club said putting the 33-year-old up front was “like playing with 10 men”. Rickie Lambert or Claudio Pizarro, 77, may be better bets.
Eden Hazard made like Dane Bowers and took Chelsea to another level against Atlético Madrid, according to Dominic Fifield.
Álvaro Recoba scoring from corners and a Napoli shirt tribute gone awry, in this week’s Classic YouTube.
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