Christine McGuinness has admitted she has 'nobody to talk to' after all three of her children have been diagnosed with autism.
Last week, the mum - who is married to TV star Paddy McGuinness - confirmed that her three-year-old daughter Felicity has the condition after twins Leo and Penelope, six, were previously diagnosed.
Speaking out in her first interview since revealing the news, Christine said her heart breaks for all of her children and told how the condition was also taking a toll on her and Paddy.
Christine,31, said the couple feel like 'full time carers' and there is nobody she can turn to about her struggles.
"I'm the worst when it comes to telling people I'm strugglng. I will never say if I’ve had a bad day and, to be honest, there’s no one I feel I can speak to," she told OK! Magazine.
The Real Housewives of Cheshire star said she fell out with her family after the twins were first diagnosed and she'd also lost friends over it.
"I just don’t feel there’s anyone in my life that I would fully trust with anything," she explained. "And then it’s also that fear that if I get upset and let my emotions out, I won’t be able to get myself back together," she said.
Christine, who has been married to husband Paddy, 46, for nine years, said dealing with three autistic children had also impacted her marriage.
"There’s no time for us as a couple. No quality time, no date nights. Not even time to have a laugh together. We’re full-time carers and the kids come before everything. But we have to stay strong as a unit for our kids," she said.
While Top Gear's Paddy turned to therapy after their eldest children were diagnosed, Christine says she took a different approach and threw herself into a strict gym routine.
Now that Felicity has started at nursery while the twins are at school, Christine says she finally has a few hours respite to herself.
"Being able to nip to the gym is essential for my mental health," she explained.
Sadly, Christine admitted that following Felicity's diagnosis she and Paddy have decided against their dream of a big family as bringing a fourth baby into the world might be too difficult.
"It was hard for me as I always thought I’d have a big family. I wanted six children and when I got together with Paddy, we used to say we’d have four kids. Even now it’s hard for me to see pregnant women or women with new babies. It makes me think about the fourth child I’ll never have. It’s heartbreaking but it’s just something I’ve had to accept," she said.
