This is the column I didn't want to write. Realistically, though, I knew I'd have to get to it eventually because all through the campaign season the current occupant of the White House talked about how he was going to "make Mexico pay for a wall," "ban Muslims," and "get rid of the illegals." Then, as it seemingly does on a fairly regular basis, Trump's brain went into autocorrect mode, and he changed it to "we'll send Mexico a bill," "we'll let the American Muslims stay," and "we'll get rid of the criminals and figure out the other part later."
Instead of writing this, I'd hoped I could keep complaining about those narcissistic, pussy-hat wearing ladies with their shrieking about leaking (Ashley Judd) and their yelling about shelling (Madonna) and their refusal to welcome pro-life sisters into the hormonal fold. I really wanted to keep talking about how offensive they were, especially when you consider that half of the population doesn't give a darn if tampons are taxed.
Alas, it was not to be. Donald Trump decided to go nuclear on immigration with some executive orders that I'm betting the conservatives who criticized Obama for his "imperial presidency" will embrace wholeheartedly. And so, the ladies and their little temper tantrum on the Mall have become irrelevant. I have more important things to worry about.
It's not at all surprising that the newly minted president would start throwing bones to the people who put him in office, and the biggest bone of all looks to be immigration. It was a big part of his campaign rhetoric (or, if you want, policy) and one of the biggest reasons Trump appealed to the "Make America Great Again" voter.
I get it. Believe me, I do.
This month marks 22 years that I've been legalizing foreigners so they could work, live, love and contribute to ... making America great again. Actually, I'd say they've been keeping America great for a very long time. I'm sure the first lady would agree with me on that.
But, you say, not every immigrant looks great in a powder blue Ralph Lauren dress and has killer legs. Not every immigrant came in legally and then worked illegally by posing for fashionable "art" shots. Not every immigrant is going to end up in the White House. Some, you would say, should end up in the Big House.
I agree. I'm not pretending that everyone who has come into the country, legally or not, has been an asset. There are very bad apples out there, and they need to be picked, crushed and tossed back to the toxic orchards from whence they originated. We have laws on the books for that already, even though they're not always implemented as effectively as we'd all like.
But it's not as if America has been holding up a welcome sign to the axe murderers, the drug dealers, the terrorists and the child abusers in the years preceding the Rise of The Donald. His accusations about us coddling criminals amounted to some of the hollowest rhetoric of his campaign, and most of us could see through it. I'd wager that even the people who voted for him as the lesser of two evils knew that the country was not filled with a particularly large amount of criminals with accents.
But demonizing the other is quite helpful, and there is nothing like an other who has very little leverage in society. So again, I wasn't surprised when President Trump decided to spend an entire day making good on his campaign promise to "Make America Safe Again" by issuing executive orders that kick-started that wall, increased the number of Border Patrol, stripped federal funding from so-called sanctuary cities and, most troubling to me, severely limited the admission of refugees to the United States.
The whole idea of The Wall is existentially problematic. Reagan wanted Gorbachev to tear down the Berlin Wall in the most iconic of his speeches. Clearly, there is a difference between a wall built to keep people in, as in Berlin, and a wall aimed to keep other people out, as with Mexico and Central America, but my inner crunchy humanitarian liberal midget has a problem with the imagery.
I also have a problem with the idea of taking money out of cities' pockets because they don't cooperate with the federal government, especially when they're not obligated to. "Sanctuary city" is one of those sly little terms. It's like "reproductive rights," hiding the true nature of the thing. Sanctuary cities do not "hide" illegal criminals. They simply will not do the federal government's job. You may disagree with that, but there is sound reasoning behind it: If undocumented aliens feel that they are under siege and will be deported if they report crimes to the local police, they will remain silent.
Silence equals more crimes. Remember the whole "don't snitch" movement? Here's how you say that in Spanish: "Callate!" In either language, it spells trouble. But if they want to take money away from the cities, go ahead. It's not like we're entitled to it, like Planned Parenthood (oh, wait ... ).
I can't, however, live with the idea that we are going to make it harder for people in hellish situations to come to this country simply because we have a twisted and baseless idea that refugees are terrorists in victim's clothing. The statistics do not bear this out, and the vetting that refugees are already forced to undergo is harsher and more comprehensive than anything Trump, with his vast foreign policy experience, could imagine.
I'm livid about this particular executive wrinkle because I've spent the last few weeks in immigration court dealing with refugees. Some were Muslim, a group that appears to be the target of the president's ire, but most were from Central America. One client witnessed her husband's assassination and was threatened she'd be killed if she testified against the shooter. She testified and then fled. Another was a young boy forced to be a drug mule by Salvadoran traffickers. Another was a Guatemalan woman who had been raped by a man who refused to take no for an answer and was raped again when the police laughed and called her a whore.
These are all refugees, President Trump. In another life, your first wife would have been one when the Communists ruled her country. In another life, your current wife would have been one for the same reason. Your second wife was an American, but we all make mistakes.
Seriously, though, I'm not against you. You won't find me marching with those people from Juntos and other organizations that traffic in hateful comments and personal attacks. I think that persuasion works better than agitprop (especially if you avoid the sexually suggestive knitted headgear).
So here is my attempt to persuade. President Trump, please listen to me. I'm not one of the crazies filling the streets to call you names. I think that the attacks on your son are horrific. And I understand that you speak for legions of Americans who are concerned about our national security.
But don't punish the refugees. And while you're at it, leave the Dreamers alone.
But if you want help getting Rosie, Madonna and Ashley deported, I'll work on that for you.
Pro bono.
