Feb. 16--From the time my older daughter, Gracie was very young, I've tried to subtly teach her to appreciate the diversity in the world today.
As a baby, she came with us to a variety of different experiences; from Filipino parties to Jewish delis to Chicago festivals in neighborhoods far away from our own.
When she started loving Disney princesses, I took the opportunity to show her that beauty comes in all shades and sizes. If she asked me to choose my favorite princess, I'd rotate among the ones that look nothing like role models I had in mainstream media as a kid: Tiana, the African-American princess from New Orleans; Mulan, the brave Chinese tomboy who disguises herself as a boy to fight in the army; Jasmine, a princess from the Middle Eastern kingdom of Agrabah.
So you can imagine my horror last week, when, while eating breakfast, Gracie nonchalantly asked: "Mamma, why do you like blacks so much?"
Trying hard not to spit out my mocha, I asked her to clarify her question.
It turned out that her definition of "blacks" included Snow White, Pocahontas and Belle, and she was referring to dark hair color. Yet it was still troubling to find that, despite all my attempts to quietly create an open mind in my darling offspring, she found my efforts glaringly obvious -- not to mention a little confusing.
The conversation made me wonder if I'd actually done my daughter a disservice by pointing out differences among us. Perhaps today's children are growing up in a society so evolved and diverse that they don't need to be told to accept it. And maybe, I feared, by blatantly trying to nudge Gracie in the direction of inclusion, I was instead creating divisions that she would never have come up with on her own.
Bewildered, I set out to find someone who specializes in teaching children about diversity and could offer some tips on how to do so in ways less clumsy than my attempts.
Marcia Chatelain, an assistant professor of history at Georgetown University who writes and teaches about African-American migration and women's and girls' history, was glad to help. Last year, Chatelain created #fergusonsyllabus on Twitter to help encourage educators to discuss the national crisis involving race relations in Ferguson, Mo.
And to my relief, after I described my breakfast conversation with Gracie, Chatelain was not appalled.
"It's not quite what you might perceive it as. She's trying to understand difference -- that is a good thing," she said.
Chatelain said that from a very young age, children begin noticing differences as they try to find order and structure in the world. It's important to let children point out these differences, she added.
"When kids are taught that people are different and it's OK that they're different, that's probably one of the best ways to teach them ... there isn't just one way to live," she said.
With this in mind, Chatelain encourages parents to expose children to a wide variety of environments and people from birth to age 6. Whether it's buying Doc McStuffins dolls, venturing into the city, or checking out books from the library that show women in different parts of the world, the idea is to let kids see that there is not one correct way to exist.
"It's about showing your kids that you don't have to be one thing or the other, that you can be many things," said Chatelain. "That's the way kids fight self-consciousness and bullying."
When a child reaches third, fourth and fifth grade, they are starting to form their value systems. This is when it becomes appropriate to introduce them to some of the nuances of the past. Children at this age are fascinated by stories about the civil rights movement and other historical injustices, she said.
From sixth grade on, young people can begin to have honest conversations about the origins of tensions in society today. It's a critical time, when students learn not only those injustices occur, but that -- in the past and in the present -- there are brave people who found productive ways to deal with it.
"Parenting with a level of consciousness is a real challenge," Chatelain empathized. "As they're forming an opinion of the world, they know that you are the go-to on everything. You have this great opportunity to show them what the world has to offer."
A few days later, Gracie greeted me excitedly at the door when I returned home from work. She was holding a sheet of princess stickers, and had been waiting all afternoon to peel off one she'd saved especially for me.
"Here, Mamma. It's Tiana. Your favorite," she said.
I stuck it on my shirt and smiled, without saying another word.
vortiz@tribpub.com
