Nov. 12--You guys have weighed in recently on everything from sibling rivalry to hiring household help, and many of you sent along happy 40th birthday wishes too. Thank you for all of it. Here are a few of your notes, edited for length.
On "1 in 4 working moms cry alone, survey finds. It's time to find solutions", about outsourcing household chores:
My mom was a stay-at-home mom for most of her life. I'm the youngest of five. She went to work part-time when I was in 8th grade and worked until I graduated high school. Our house was always spotless, my dad's shirts looked like they came from the cleaners, we had three cooked meals every day, including dessert. But in her later years, when my daughter was small, she shared this with me: "I wish I had spent more time loving my kids instead of keeping them clean." There was a sense of regret in her remark. She lived for her family, maybe to a fault. We weren't allowed to have any fun activities until all the chores were done.
I learned a lot from her comment and never forgot it. So here I am -- retired, 60 years old, married 32 years, daughter now living on her own and still determined to live a balanced life. I love my family but make it a point to get some enjoyment out of life for myself.
-- Darlene Norman
On "Time spent with teenagers offers glimpse of a better future," reflecting on my visit to Conant High School in Hoffman Estates:
I agree that society is in good hands with today's high school students. Having been active in my parish's youth ministry summer service trips for the past 10 or so years, I've been amazed by the energy, vitality and enthusiasm of teenagers.
It took me a while to learn how to connect with them in the short time (seven days) that we're together. I found that an encouraging word -- "Nice job on the prayer tonight," "You did a good job putting up the drywall" -- caused them to open up and reveal the wonderful personalities within. Obviously, these kids self-select for these trips and aren't necessarily reflective of all teens. But I believe that deep down, this is what most kids are looking for: a little recognition of the efforts they make as they try to figure out the often inscrutable world of adults.
-- Bill Heineke
On "Why kids fight so hard to be mom's favorite," about children angling to hear a parent say, "I like you best:"
I am a practicing psychotherapist and the mother of two adult sons, so many of your columns speak to me. Your recent column has moved me to write, because you need to know about the book "I Love You the Purplest" by Barbara M. Joosse.
"Purplest" is a wonderful complement to Adele Faber's "Siblings Without Rivalry." A children's book, it offers a way to address the question, "Who do you love more?" with imagination and reassurance. My sons are now 24 and 21 and "Purplest" can still bring easy tears to my eyes. I hope you and your family enjoy it.
-- Laurie Frost
Regarding "On her 40th birthday, what this mom wants her kids to know," a birthday letter to my children:
I cried when I read this piece. It's getting sent to all my children. My friend Laura and I often talk about how to respond to people when they ask about your children and you tell them, "Johnny got a job offer and Susie just got engaged." But honestly we both feel that what we're most proud of is their moral character.
My son is currently interviewing and has gotten multiple job offers. When we were discussing his options, I said, "Well, you can accept the position at Company A and if another company offers you a better deal, just inform Company A that you changed your mind." His response: "No, Mom. I can't do that. I have a good relationship with the recruiter at Company A and I wouldn't feel right about it." I responded, "I am so proud of you. You have integrity and morals." Or the time my youngest came home from high school and told me a new kid started and was sitting with a bad crowd in the cafeteria and she invited her to sit with her. These are the things that define success to me. Money can't buy you genuine friends, morals or values.
-- Margaret Rose
hstevens@tribune.com
Twitter @heidistevens13
